Decoding the body language of attraction

Young Couple lovely enjoying a cup of CoffeeThe body language of attraction is often the same for both men and women.  That means learning the body language of attraction has twice the benefit.  You’ll know when a girl is interested in you, as well as what signals to give off to create attraction with women.  To learn all about the body language of attraction – what these mutual attraction signals are, how to spot them, and how to use them to attract women – read on.

Positive body language

When a woman is attracted to you she’s going to give you a lot of positive body language.  Her face, chest, and feet will all point in your direction.  She will often lean towards you – even entering your personal space.  These signals are big part of the body language of attraction.  The more you see them the more you know that she’s interested.

Likewise, the more positive body language you give a girl, the more interest you show.  This can trip a lot of guys up as they wind up showing too much interest too early.  To avoid this, when meeting a girl for the first time turn your body to the side so you’re standing shoulder – to – shoulder rather than face-to-face.  As the conversation progresses, let the woman see she’s earned you’re interest by giving her more positive body language and turning towards her more fully.


At the very least touch a sign a girl is comfortable with you, but it’s often a sign the woman is interested in you.  Playfully hitting you, “accidentally” bumping into you, or briefly placing her hand on you can all be part of the body language of attraction and signal that she likes you.  The trick is to pay attention to how she touches others vs. how she touches you.  If you notice she touches you more than she touches anyone else, take it as a clear sign she’s interested.

For men, using touch is a powerful way to show interest in a woman – but only if it’s done right.  Touch a girl too much too early and it can make her feel uncomfortable.  Touch her too little and she won’t see you as a sexual man (and you’ll wind up in the friend-zone).  What you want to do then is find a happy medium.  Start with light playful taps (using the back of your hand to touch her around her elbow) and gradually increase your touch from there (placing your hand on her upper arm, shoulder, and back as you talk with her).  Increasing touch gradually lets her get comfortable with it.  This means she’ll be able to enjoy your touch more, and may even begin to crave it.

Eye contact

Before you even start a conversation with a girl you can tell whether or not she’s interested in you based on her eye contact.  If she holds your gaze for more than a second or two, or looks away then back at you within a few seconds, then you know you’ve caught her interest.  If she breaks eye contact she may still be interested in you depending on how she broke it.  For example, when a person looks down and away it’s often a signal of shame.  So if the girl looked down –and-away after making eye contact, there’s a good chance she’s interested in you but just feels shy.

When making eye contact with a girl yourself, the best thing you can do is simply hold her gaze and give her a warm smile.  Don’t look away as that just shows insecurity and fear.  Instead, maintain eye contact and let her see that she’s caught your interest.  This shows confidence and will make you more attractive to the woman.  (For additional tips on showing and developing confidence check out his article on how to be confident with women)

Comfort signs of attraction

If a girl isn’t feeling attraction and is feeling closed-off and uncomfortable, her body language will reflect that.  She’ll fold her arms or perhaps place a drink/bag in front of her chest.  Putting a barrier in front of the chest is a defensive posture that shows a lack of comfort and openness.  The opposite of that, when a girl unfolds her arms or moves that drink or bag to the side, is a sign of comfort and openness.  This is part of the body language of attraction as it’s a sign she feels relaxed and is comfortable connecting with you.  It opens the door for her to feel attraction (though it can be a sign she feels attraction already).

To use this sign of attraction to your advantage, you want to keep your body language open as often as possible.  Keep your arms by your sides and don’t hold anything across your chest (especially a drink at the bar).  This shows women confidence as it signals you don’t feel any need to protect yourself or close yourself off from others.

Nervous signs of attraction

One way a girl may show she’s attracted to you is if she gets nervous and starts to fidget.  She might twirl her hair or start toying with her phone/bracelet/necklace, etc.  These are self-soothing gestures that release nervous tension.  There may be other reasons that she’s feeling nervous (or maybe she just had too much coffee), so it’s important to take the context of your interaction into account when spotting these signs of interest.

While nervous signs of attraction may be endearing in women, they are generally not attractive in men.  If a guy starts squirming and fidgeting it shows he lacks confidence and that he can’t handle tension – which is a turn-off for women.  So be sure to keep your body movements to a minimum.  Move with purpose and control and you’ll come across as more confident and attractive with women.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.


in Art of Dating, Flirting And Attraction

3 Comments on “Decoding the body language of attraction”

  1. As a heterosexual woman in my 20s I agree with every thing you said. You seem pretty aware of what makes a person run for the door, and honesty there are some women who could benefit from these tips. Plenty of people make the mistake of “coming on too strong,”

    This is all great advice, and in my opinion women will respond positively to these tips, and you have a pretty good understanding of body language (both male and female.)

    But if I may offer some tips, I’d be more clear that if if someone isn’t interested it’s time to quit. And also if you want to be taken more seriously as a writer… maybe learn the difference between “your” and “you’re”…,? Just my two cents? Overall a good article.

  2. Im trying to figure out why my girlfriend in the middle of a hug she Taps me like she is tapping out in a wrestling match. When I ask her why she does this she jokingly says oh I do that to everyone and I know for a fact when other guys hug her she leans into them and lets them hold her and she doesn’t tap them. And when I come around she doesn’t seem excited to see me but as soon as someone she knows shows up she gets all excited.

  3. It’s just an affectionate hug held for you.and though she hugs everyone her little tap hug puts you in her special high place or if I’m right the only guy so super to her.

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