Attraction comes in a lot of subtle forms. As a man, it’s your job to recognize these attraction signs so that you enjoy them for their own sake, but also so you can celebrate and escalate. Men who miss out on attraction signs will miss a lot of opportunities to connect with women they’re interested in.
It sounds silly, but I see guys missing attraction signs all the time when we take them out on field nights. They spend lots of time and energy getting a girl interested, then miss every sign that she’s interested back. He walks away frustrated because he doesn’t know she’s been hanging on his every word, even though the signs are really obvious to me and the other coaches.
Stop missing opportunities with women because you’re not noticing these top signs of female attraction.
How female perception of flirtation influences how they flirt
If you walked up to a woman, started talking to her by raising your pitch, batting your eyelashes and twirling your hair, she might think you were a little strange, to say the least. And while there’s absolutely nothing threatening about a woman touching you, you touching her the wrong way can get you slapped or worse. That’s because men and women each have distinct ways they flirt. What works for women doesn’t work for men and vice versa.
A study in the journal Evolutionary Psychology postulates a reason for the difference between how men and women flirt. Basically, you’ve evolved to be hyper-perceptive of sexual interest so you don’t miss any opportunities. Women, however, have evolved to be less perceptive of sexual interest because hopping on every caveman they run across means they end up stuck with less than ideal mates and more offspring than they can take care of.
Because women are less perceptive, they tend to have more subtle ways of flirting. Men will “hit on” a woman, going out of their way to express and cultivate interest at the same time. In contrast, women don’t want to make it super obvious that they’re flirting. This means you have to pay more attention to catch those signs at first. But once you learn how to recognize them, you’ll start having a lot more fun when you go out.
Top signs of attraction
Preening is basically any of the “fixing herself” stuff that women do when they’re around a guy they’re interested in. Part of it is nerves. Part of it is that she actually wants to look better for you. Part of it is that there’s just something kind of hot about a woman putting herself together and women subconsciously know this.
“Nonverbal Courtship Patterns In Women,” a study by Monica M. Moore, a Ph.D. in the psychology department at the University of Missouri found that preening, primping, and pouting are all things women do when they’re attracted to men. In fact, the study found that these behaviors aren’t just something women do when they’re vaguely physically interested. Preening behaviors are what women do when they’re zeroing in on their man. She’s no longer checking you out. She’s screaming to you, in her own way, that she’s attractive.
Laughing At Your Jokes
All told, Moore compiled 52 different body language signals that could be reliably called signs of attraction. The one I would advise you to look out for most is if a woman laughs at your jokes. While it’s true that women like a man who can make them laugh, it’s worth noting that she might not be laughing because you’re the funniest guy at the bar. She might be laughing just because she likes you. Gilbert Gottfried isn’t a scientist, but he is a man who knows humor. He penned an excellent piece for Playboy about how women don’t necessarily like funny guys. They just think guys they like are funny. It’s a subtle difference but an important one.
Still, for your purposes, it doesn’t much matter. She either really thinks you’re funny, which is good, or she wants you to think she thinks you’re funny, which might even be better. Pay attention to laughter from women. It’s a dead giveaway that she’s enjoying your company, whether she actually thinks you’re funny or not.
Eye contact isn’t necessarily a sign that a woman is attracted to you. After all, good eye contact is just good social behavior. But a November 2007 study with the riveting title “Women’s Pupillary Responses to Sexual Significant Others During the Hormonal Cycle” found that prolonged eye contact from a woman — anything beyond what’s normal and conversational — was a sign of attraction.
Think about it. When you’re out at a bar, if a girl is trying to get away from you, one of the easiest ways to do that is to start flitting her eyes around the room, looking for absolutely anything else she can be doing but talking to you. On the other hand, the eyes aren’t just windows of the soul. They’re kind of tractor beams of the soul. When she gazes back at you, she’s trying to pull you in further and prolong the interaction. Don’t discount the simple act of eye contact as a sign of attraction.
Keep your eyes on her. Not only will it help you to build attraction, but it will also help you to recognize the attraction she’s throwing at you. Particularly with shy or reserved girls, this might be the only attraction sign you’re going to get. So be on the lookout.
Personal questions are a common sign of attraction many men miss. I’m talking about questions that go beyond the simple “getting to know you” types of formalities people feel like they have to go through when meeting someone new. Look for questions that you only really ask someone for when you’re trying to get a sense of who they really are. Alternately, she might be asking you questions of a more emotional bent to establish more of a bond and rapport with you.
Remember what I said above about eye contact. Looking you in the eye? That’s just polite. “Gazing” at you? That’s something else entirely. And so it is with personal questions. Going through the “where are you from, what do you do, where did you go to school” rigamarole isn’t a sign of attraction. Asking questions specifically tailored to who you are, the conversation the two of you are having that help her to get at who you really are deep down, that’s a sign of attraction.
When she’s asking you a lot of questions, she’s probably not just looking for information. She’s trying to keep you talking to her. Don’t write off her interest in you as “just being polite.”
I’m always amazed at how many guys overlook touch when it comes to attraction. Women don’t touch guys they’re not interested in. That includes a lot of “accidental” touching. For a variety of complex evolutionary reasons, men tend to initiate while women tend to put on the brakes. What this means is that while you might initiate an overt touch, she probably won’t. What she’ll do instead is “accidentally” touch you.
Don’t read every accidental touch as a sign of attraction. What you’re looking for isn’t one isolated example. What you’re looking for is a repeated pattern. If she keeps banging her elbow against yours in a totally empty room, she’s attracted to you. If she brushes her arm up against yours once in a room full of people, she might very well be into you, but she’s not signaling anything other than being in a crowded room.
When she’s touching you, think about why she’s doing it. If there’s no real reason other than attraction, escalate that touch. Start with something small like touching her hands, arms or upper back and see where it goes from there.
Context Is King
When evaluating signs of female attraction, you need to pay attention not just to what she’s doing, but also the context in which she does it. Her signs of attraction aren’t a statement or even a paragraph. They’re a whole story and you have to look at everything before making your final determination.
Eye contact by itself might not mean much, but eye contact and a torrent of personal questions probably do. Fixing herself might just mean she’s self-conscious, but preening while laughing at everything that you say is a dead giveaway. Standing close to you might mean the room is crowded, but standing on top of you while gazing up is another sure sign of attraction.
Next time you go out, try and pay more attention to signs of female attraction. What is she doing to signal her attraction to you? Nothing? Something? A lot of something? Knowing how to see signs of female attraction can do a lot to boost your confidence when it comes to talking to a woman. Once you know the signs of attraction from a woman, you won’t ever have to guess again.