You’re out at a bar, and you meet an awesome new woman. The conversation is solid, you share a lot in common, and at the end of the night, she gives you her number. Brilliant!
But when you text her three days later, she never responds.
If this has happened to you, you know how difficult, frustrating, and straight-up confusing it can be.
So what happened? What went wrong?
It’s a common question: how do you text girls you just met? In this piece, I’m going to introduce you to a simple system that any man can use. More often than not, this will dramatically increase her interest in you, starting with the very first text.
Before We Get Started: Quality Interactions Get Quality Numbers
I talk to tons of guys who go out for the night and spend the evening trying to get as many numbers as they can. This is a bad way to go about meeting women.
Why? Because you’re getting more numbers at the expense of better numbers. As with most valuable things in life, quality trumps quantity. You’re better off getting fewer phone numbers from women you’re having high-quality interactions with than playing the numbers game. Here’s why.
- While you don’t have to spend your whole night with one woman at the bar, trying to get a number from every girl in the room is a bad look. Trust me — girls notice. The optics don’t always help your social value.
- You’re probably not investing your time wisely. Why bother getting phone numbers from girls you’re not that into, and who just might not be into you? I wish it were different, but it’s not like the two of you are going to magically have better chemistry once you start texting. Don’t be afraid to walk away empty-handed — that’s a result of good selection.
- Spending more time with women you do have chemistry with is the best possible use of your time. Creating a connection and following it up by text is the name of the game.
So before we jump in, let’s keep this in mind: At the end of a night out, you’d rather go home with one exciting phone number than a phone filled with numbers you’d never go on dates with. Making that mental shift is the foundation of selecting women intelligently, and eventually crafting texts that will get her off of your phone and on a date with you.
How to Get Her Number Every Time
So, you want to learn how to text girls you just met. I’ve developed a simple and effective way for you to get a woman’s phone number every time. Try this the next time you’re out, and see how they help create a connection that will turn into a date.
Wait for a high point. One of the biggest mistakes men make when getting phone numbers is waiting until they’re about to leave. But the last note of your conversation might not be the best note. Instead, wait until a high point in the interaction — even if it’s sooner than expected — and go for her number then. That is the point at which she is most likely to feel like you are someone she would like to see again. Being authentic and spontaneous in those moments works magic.
Tell, don’t ask. Rather than asking for her phone number, just tell her you to want it. This is a confident move, one that communicates your interest without an implicit apology or a way out. After all, if you two are getting along and having a great time, why wouldn’t she wants your number? Something as simple as “You seem pretty cool, give me your number so we can get together some time” works perfectly.
Hand her your phone. Hand her your phone so that all she has to do is enter her phone number into it. Then create the new contact on your own. Make it as easy as possible for her to provide you with her number — no unnecessary work, and no dictation.
Share date ideas. While she’s entering your phone number, tell her some things you could do together. “I know a great spot for hiking not many people know about,” or “Seriously, I live right next door to the best cocktail bar in the city.” Call back to your common interests, so she’s already excited about seeing you again.
Text her right away. Ask your friends how to text girls you just met, they’ll probably tell you to wait. A lot of guys are still playing the “too cool to text” game. That makes the guys who are engaged and confident enough to text right away — that’s you! — stand out from the rest. It also diminishes the pressure that builds when we wait to text a girl. A playful emoji two hours after you met can do more than a deliberately-crafted text two days later. Make it something light and playful, but also flirtatious — like “Hey, it’s AJ, the guy with the unbelievably sexy eyes :-D” Now you’ve broken the ice and she has your phone number. Sending her the next text will be significantly easier.
Do you see how this is different from how most guys ask girls for their phone numbers? They are all slight alterations, but they add up to a huge difference in her experience of you.
When Do You Text Her Again?
The first text is out of the way. Now the question becomes: When do you text her again?
The short answer is pretty much whenever, though sooner is better than later. One of the great things about texting is that it allows a person to respond whenever they want. And while you might not want to text her at 3 a.m. when you stagger into your apartment for the night, texting her at lunch the next day is fine.
Whereas in the past guys were afraid of calling too soon, these days it’s more common to wait too long. In fact, in our exclusive infographic on texting and dating (/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/ArtofCharm_Texting_Infographic_v1r8.jpg), we found that one in four women don’t like when potential dates wait too long to text them. So the morning after is probably a good time to make it happen. Wait until what seems like a reasonable hour, then shoot her a text.
When she texts you back, don’t feel like you have to text her again right away. At the same time, don’t pretend like you’re busy when you’re not. If you want to talk to her and you’re available, by all means, shoot her a text. If you’re busy or just not feeling particularly flirtatious at that moment, go ahead and leave the text laying there. Again — the great thing about texting is that it’s a way to pause a conversation until you’re ready to pick it up again.
So What Do I Text Her?
The main thing to remember when texting girls you just met is that texting isn’t good for “getting to know you” types of conversations. Save that for when the two of you are actually together. This is because the words you use are the least important thing in a conversation — far more important is your body language and your tone of voice, and both are missing when you text.
So what do you do instead? Flirt a little. Keep things light. Banter. Don’t be afraid to use emoticons, which let her know that you’re being playful and joking around. One really powerful way to increase attraction is to bring up something the two of you connected over when you met. Jokes work best for this because they immediately bring her into a fun and playful space.
Eventually, after you’ve bantered your way to a healthy level of trust and rapport, you want to orient the conversation toward making plans. After all, you didn’t ask for her phone number so the two of you could sit there endlessly texting. Talk to her about things you two share a passion for, then make plans to go do something together. If she’s not interested at first, don’t worry: She might like you but not the plans or she might legitimately have something to do. If she’s repeatedly shooting down ideas, however, then you’re probably better off moving on. She’s either not as into you as you thought, or she’s not making time to date.
After you agree that the two of you should do something together, the conversation should switch entirely to logistics. Keep it easy, clear and fun. Once you’ve settled on the particulars — what you’re doing, when, where and how you’re both getting there — go back to flirting. Again, the last thing you want to be talking to her about is what you watched on television last night or what your childhood was like. There’s a lot to be said for in-person conversation. Save the long conversations about your favorite TV shows and what you like about work for when the two of you are together.