Should You Ask for Her Number?

Ask for Her NumberTalking to a girl is difficult enough without having to deal with the complexities of follow-up, and a lot of guys make parallel mistakes when it comes to getting a girl’s phone number: On the one hand, there’s the guy who has a great time with a girl out at a bar or club, but is too timid to get her number. On the other hand, there’s the guy who has a tenuous connection with a woman, but gets her number anyway more or less just to say that he did. Should you get her number? The Art of Charm has a guide to not just if you should, but how to go about getting it.

Signs You Should Get Her Number

Let’s start with signs that you should get her number:

  • Gut Check: Check your gut. Did you two hit it off? Would you like to see her again? A lot of times, the best call is the most subjective.
  • Real Rapport: Did you two have a connection? Did she laugh at your jokes? Did you laugh at hers? Do you guys have stuff in common? Do you want to learn more about her? Answering yes to these questions is a definite yes.
  • Second Day: Do you want to take her out on a date? This is really what it comes down to. If you don’t. it doesn’t really matter whether you had fun or not. On the other hand, she might have hot friends, so consider inviting her to your next party.

Signs You Shouldn’t Get Her Number

On the other hand, you don’t want to get the phone number of every girl that you talk to — only the ones that you’ve established a real connection with. Basically, if you’re answering “no” to the questions above, don’t bother. Again, she might be good as a contact, but if you’re out trying to meet women for the purpose of dating, you should only get phone numbers from girls that you’re actually interested in.

It’s not just about using your time effectively — though that is a factor. It’s also about being fair to her. When talking to a girl, asking for her phone number is a way of expressing interest in her. She’s going to think that you’re more interested than you actually are if you go for her phone number, even if (maybe even especially if) you proclaim that you’re only interested in being friends.

How to Get Her Number

The Art of Charm has a time tested and true way of getting a girl’s phone number that works like gangbusters. Here’s how it breaks down:

  • Don’t Ask: First of all, don’t ask. While talking to a girl, just tell her that you need her number so the two of you can get together some time. Of course she’s going to want to give it to you, because of course she’s as interested in you as you are in her.
  • Don’t Wait Until You’re Going to Leave: Get her number at a high point in the interaction, not right as you’re about to walk away. Asking for a number right before you bounce is a great way to have her thinking you’re just out collecting numbers.
  • Have Your Phone Ready: We want to make it as easy as possible for her to say yes. So have your phone out and ready for her to input her phone number.
  • Hand Her Your Phone: Physically hand her your phone. Put it in her personal space bubble. She’ll take it from you and start entering her phone number.
  • Have Some Killer Date Ideas: While she’s entering her number into your phone, rattle off some date ideas. Relate them to what you two have talked about — your shared interests and passions. Build on the connection you’ve already created.
  • Text Her Right Away: How long should you wait to text her? The short answer is, don’t wait to text her. Text her something cheeky and flirtatious right away like “Hey, it’s AJ, the guy with the sexy eyes ;-)” That way she has your number and the ice is broken.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1050 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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in Art of Dating, Flirting And Attraction

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