How to Charm a Girl Into Dating You

Part of knowing how to charm a girl into dating you is to know the best way to ask a girl out on a date.  To master that (and dramatically increase your odds of getting a girl to say “yes” to the date invitation), be sure to follow the dating advice below on how to ask a girl out.

Couple of teenager on date outdoor.

How to get a girl interested in you

Attractive women get asked out all the time based off their looks alone.  So if you want to improve your chances of getting the girl to go out with you, you’ll need to stand out from the other guys.  You can do this by showing her that you’re not just interested in her looks, you’re interested in her.

So before you ask a woman out, it can help to have a reason for why you want to go on a date that goes beyond her looks.  During your conversations with women then, make it your job to find something unique and interesting about the girl.  Then, show her you appreciate her for it.  Tell her you like her energy, her personality, sense of humor, the way she smiles, the way she makes you feel, etc.  Whatever it is that you genuinely find intriguing about her is exactly what you should say as the reason you want to see her again.

Doing this will make the girl feel special and good about herself – and having that effect is a great way to get a girl interested in dating you.

How to be the man women want

What women find attractive in a man is the ability to take charge and be a leader.  So the first step in how to charm a girl into dating you is to step up, take the lead, and make it all happen.

When you invite a girl out on a date then, don’t be timid or uncertain, saying things like “well I don’t know, what do you want to do?”  Take advantage of the fact that you can get a girl to like you simply by being decisive, and plan out exactly what your date will entail (if she isn’t feeling your plan, you can always adjust).

A key piece of dating advice for men to keep in mind is that when on a date, men are in the driver’s seat and women are along for the ride (metaphorically speaking).

How to avoid the friend-zone with a girl (by being direct)

Another way to show leadership and confidence with women is by being direct and upfront with your intention.  If you’re interested in a girl, don’t hide it and pretend you’re only inviting her out as a friend.  That makes a guy look insecure, and is a one-way ticket to the friend-zone.

Instead, own your intention and be straight up with your interest in her.  Let her know “hey, I really dig you and want to get to know you better.  Let’s go out this Thursday”.  A simple, direct statement like that is going to show that strong confidence women find attractive in men.

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How to be charming when asking a girl out

Guys often ask a girl out for selfish reasons.  That is, they want to get a girl to go on a date solely because of the feeling of validation they get when she says yes.  But this is a big mistake guys make when asking a girl out because women pick up on that vibe and it’s a big turn-off.

Instead, how to charm a girl when inviting her on a date is to take the focus away from you.  Don’t ask a girl out as a way of filling your own needs and getting that sense of validation for yourself.  Rather, invite a girl on a date as a way to fill her needs.  See it as you saving her from the boring monotony of everyday life.  See it as a chance for her to finally spend time with a guy that treats women right and knows how to show a girl a good time on a date.

Having this attitude when asking a girl on a date will help you naturally project a warm, friendly vibe, and that will make it easier for her to say yes.

How to ask a girl out with confidence

Showing confidence with women through body language has been covered extensively elsewhere (like this episode of Pickup Podcast on body language and attraction).  And while that’s important, there’s another way to show confidence when asking a girl out.  And that is to assume she’s going to say yes.

Having confidence when asking a girl out goes back to the point above.  Remember, you’re giving her the opportunity to meet an awesome guy who is going to show her a great time… so of course she’ll want to go out with you.  When you have that belief inside yourself, you’ll have an easier time being relaxed and confident when asking the girl out.

Now, one way you can show this confidence when inviting a girl on a date is to make the invitation a statement, not a question.  Instead of “will you go out with me Thursday?” try “let’s go out Thursday”.  When you frame it this way, it’s as if she’s already agreed to go on a date with you, it’s just a matter of finding the right day.

How to get a girl excited to date you

Another important dating tip for men to keep in mind when planning a first date with a woman is to make the date enticing.  Saying “hey let’s meet up for a drink” is fine and all, but if you want to improve your odds of getting a girl to go out with you, you’ll want to sweeten the pot a bit.

When asking a girl out, try something like: “There’s this place downtown that does intro salsa lessons every Thursday, want to go?  We can get Margarita’s beforehand, so how about I pick you up at 6?”

If she’s on the fence, this is the kind of thing that will push her over the edge and make her excited to go on a date with you.  After all, what girl doesn’t want to drink margaritas and go dancing?

(For the record, taking a girl dancing is an awesome date idea even if you consider yourself the worst dancer on the planet.  The trick is to own it, smile, and have fun with the fact that you have no idea what you’re doing.  Do that, and it’ll be impossible for her not to have a good time on your date).

Bonus dating tip: Just do it

In the end, asking a girl out is always going to be better than not asking her out.  While the above tips for how to ask a girl out will help, keep in mind that you don’t have to do it perfectly.  Putting in just the tiniest effort and doing something –even if you get shot down – is always going to be better than sitting back and imagining what it’d be like if you actually made a move.

So when in doubt, just do it.  Drop all pretense and desire to ask a girl out “the right way”.  Just be open and honest, throw yourself out there, make yourself vulnerable, and say what you’re thinking – that you want to date her.  This alone can be incredibly effective as she’ll admire your courage, and appreciate your authenticity.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.


in Art of Dating, Dating Tips