How to Ask a Girl Out Over Text

If you’re like a lot of men you have text messaged a girl. You can even flirt with her a little bit. However, like a lot of men, while you can do all these things over text, you still have trouble asking a girl out on a date.

Texting is a godsend to men and their game. It allows for communication to happen asynchronously, which makes a lot of men far more comfortable. However, the trouble with texting is that it is often seen as an end to itself, rather than a way to try and get a date.

Wonder no more how to ask a girl out over text. Read this article and you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to level up your text game and get the girl of your dreams to agree to go on a date with you.


Asking Her Out, Step 1: Initiate the Text

The first thing that you need to do when you text a woman that you want to ask out is getting things going. How do you do this? With light, playful banter. Get her smiling. Get her laughing. Try and call back to something that happened when you two met or something that happened on your last date. The point is to create a chain of positive associations that will relax her and put her in a good mood before you ask her out on a date.


Asking Her Out, Step 2: Chatting and Flirting

Don’t be afraid to let this go on for a little bit. You want to keep the energy up and you want her to feel better when you two are done texting than she did before. Get her energy levels up before you ask her out on a date. Wait for a high point in your texting interaction before you actually ask her out. Use this time to get to that high point.

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Asking Her Out, Step 3: Moving Toward the Goal

When you reach a high point in the text interaction, you want to move toward your goal: Asking her out. A lot of guys stay in the rapport and banter stage of interaction for way too long when they text. They just keep talking and talking without going anywhere. Remember that texting is great, but that it’s a means to an end. You’re trying to achieve a goal and that goal is how to ask a girl out over text.

Once you reach a high point, you want to shift the conversation to say that you two should get together sometime. Don’t make it a question. Just say that you want to get together sometime. Then suggest something that you think that she would be into doing with you.


Asking Her Out, Step 4: Logistics

After you’ve gotten her to agree to meet up with you, it’s time to handle logistics. You need to figure out where you two are meeting and if anyone is picking anyone up. Handling logistics the right way is one of the most important parts of making sure that your text date actually happens and goes off without a hitch.

Once you’ve handled logistics for your date, it’s time to say that you’re looking forward to it and then put the phone down. Most interpersonal communication has nothing to do with the words that you use and everything to do with your body language and tone of voice — things that no text can ever convey.


BONUS: When to Cut Bait

Ok, but what if she says no to your date? Well, there’s a “three strikes and she’s out” rule: Give three suggestions for things to do or times to get together. If she’s not interested in any of the above or unable to make any of the dates, you’re done. Your time is better spent looking for another girl who’s more interested in a date.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1161 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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