Banter can become flirting through either a direct or indirect route. For example there’s playful banter such as role reversal (where you pretend she’ is hitting on you) which allows you to be sexual with a girl in a very direct way. You can also do the complete opposite, and can make banter turn into flirting by being indirect.
An example of this playful banter would be to go on about all the reasons why the two of could never be together. You can joke about why you two could never sleep together, or go off about why a relationship between you would be doomed to fail. By doing this you plant the seed that gets her to think about sleeping with or dating you all while having a fun, care-free interaction.
Here are some playful banter examples to illustrate the point. If the girl’s really tall you can say something like, “Sorry, you’re just too short of for me. I need my girls to be at least 6’6”. You can go the opposite way for a short girl, and say you really only go for midgets and she doesn’t quite qualify.
For some girls you might want to talk about how “she looks like she might be trouble” and you “promised yourself you wouldn’t date bad girls anymore”. Then there’s one of my personal favorites, where you tell the girl you can’t date her because “I’m just emotionally unavailable right now…”
These examples will get that banter ball rolling. You can expand from there, personalize them and find your own reasons that fit your personality and the girl you’re talking to. Keep the reasons silly and have fun with them. Whatever makes you laugh will have a good chance at getting her laughing and playing along.
It might sound counterintuitive to build attraction with a girl by telling her you could never be with her. After all you’re probably hoping for a phone number, to take her on a date, or just head back to your place. If that’s what you’re going for, then why say things would never work between you? Why bring up dating/sleeping together if it’s in the context of what the two of you won’t be doing?
There’s a famous psychology experiment that demonstrates the power of a negative suggestion. One group of participants was told to think of a white bear for a set amount of time, while the other group was told not to think of a white bear. What they found was that after that set amount of time, the group that was asked not to think of a white bear ended up thinking about it much more obsessively than the group that was told to actively think about it.
A similar effect is happening in this kind of banter. When you say something along the lines of “we could never date” or “we could never sleep together” then the thought of dating/sleeping together gets planted in her head. She’ll start to think about dating/sleeping with you. Since you’re putting in the qualifier that the two of you could not do those things, it puts the idea in her head in a subtle, non-invasive way that will get her thinking about it even more.
Because you’re doing this playfully there’s the added bonus that she’ll begin to feel good while having those thoughts about you. That’s why it’s so important in banter to have a positive vibe that she can feed off. If you state one of the lines mentioned above matter-of-factly then she’ll take what you say at face value. She might take it personally, become self-conscious, or start thinking “then why the fuck are you even talking to me?” Banter can only be flirting if it’s done playfully. Keeping a big smile and playful tone of voice lets her know she doesn’t have to take what you say all that seriously, and she can have fun with it too.
