How to Approach a Woman You’ve Never Met

One of the biggest reasons guys avoid approaching attractive women is that many guys simply don’t know how to approach a woman they’ve never met.  But guys who take the time to learn the fundamentals on how to approach a woman no longer have that issue, and therefore have an easy time approaching women wherever they go.  If you like to master those fundamentals and learn how to approach a woman you’ve never met, read on.

How to use eye contact in approaching a woman

Approaching a woman you’ve never met is always easier if you have an invitation to approach.  And the way to get that invitation is with eye contact.

When you see an attractive girl you want to approach, the first thing you want to do is make eye contact.  If she looks up and catches your gaze, holds that eye contact and give her a relaxed smile.  This will help you make a good first impression on the girl by showing you’re a confident, friendly guy.

Now, if she holds that eye contact (or looks away and then back at you) she’s giving you a sign she’s interested and it’s an invitation to approach.  Don’t wait for any other invitation, as this is likely the most obvious indicator of interest she will give.  However, if she doesn’t hold your gaze – or never looks in your direction to make eye contact, don’t worry.  There is still plenty you can do to start a conversation with a woman you don’t know.

Approach a woman with friendly confidence

A good approach comes down to having the right body language.  So as you approach a woman, keep your head up, back straight (like there’s a string from your lower back pulling you up through the crown of your head), shoulders back, and smile.  Approaching a girl in this way will show her you’re a confident, friendly guy right off the bat.  As a result, she’s going to be much more receptive and willing to engage in a conversation.

Now, a good habit to have in approaching women is to always walk up to the woman you’re interested in right away.  Lots of guys don’t do this.  Instead, they get anxious about approaching a woman and insist on waiting for “the right moment” (which never comes).  But if you have any approach anxiety when walking up to a woman, waiting around for “the right moment” is only going to make that anxiety worse.  Plus, you don’t want to be the guy who is seen hesitating – or worse – the guy who hovers around a girl.  Girls notice that and are instantly turned off.

Instead, here’s what to do when you see a girl you’re interested in:  Obey the “two-second” rule and simply go approach the girl within two seconds of seeing her.  Walking up to a girl without even thinking about it will not only make you look more confident, it will prevent that approach anxiety from taking over.  

How to stop a girl on the street

There’s no reason to limit the women you approach to just bars and clubs.  You can approach women absolutely anywhere.  Even if a girl is simply walking down the street, you can stop her and engage the woman in the conversation right then and there.

Of course, stopping a girl on the street is going to look different than walking up to a girl at a bar.  If you’re interested in stopping starting a conversation with women on the street, here’s how to do it:

  • Put yourself directly in her path, about 6-10 feet in front of her.  This way you won’t startle her, and can stop her momentum

  • Face her and look her right in the eye.  Make it clear your looking to get her attention

  • Raise your hand about in foot in front of you (put it around the height of your belly-button).  Putting this sort of barrier between the two of you has a way of easing the tension.

  • Stop her with a simple “Excuse me” and get the conversation started (more on this next)

In the end, stopping a cute girl on the street is no different than stopping someone if you were lost and needed directions.  The only difference is that instead of looking for directions, you’re just looking to have a friendly chat (which just might lead to a date).

What to say to a woman you just met

The trick in how to start a conversation with a woman you don’t know is to keep things positive, light, and fun.  This can be done in a variety of ways.  One of your best bets to start things off with some playful banter (for detailed explanation on how to master banter, check out these episodes of Pickup Podcast, as well as articles here and here).

If you don’t feel comfortable jumping into banter with a woman right off the bat, then just say whatever you feel comfortable saying.  A genuine compliment or a simple “Hi, I’m _____” can start a conversation with a woman off just fine.

Lots of guys think they need to dazzle a woman right away with an amazing opening line.  The truth is, they don’t.  These guys would be surprised at just how to effect this kind of authenticity can be.

How to win a girl over with your attitude

In the end, what you say to a girl really doesn’t matter.  After talking to a girl you just met, she’s probably going to forget most of what you said within a few hours (maybe even minutes) anyway.  What she won’t forget though, is the way you made her feel.  And that doesn’t come from the words you say, it comes from your attitude.

Attitude can trip a lot of guys up.  Lots of guys who interact with a girl have an attitude of “I hope this girl likes me” or “I hope I get a number”.  Guys who are approval-seeking and outcome-dependent come across as lacking confidence and that attitude can rub a girl the wrong way.  Instead, you want to keep a warm, positive vibe throughout the interaction.  When meeting a girl, you want to have an attitude along the lines of “I’m awesome, you’re awesome… everything’s awesome”.

Having a fun, care-free attitude is going to get her to start feeling that way too.  If you can get a girl to feel good when she’s talking to you, then she’s going to want to have you around more often.

Did you know the Art of Charm has new online coaching programs to overcome approach anxiety Click Here to Learn More

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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in Art of Dating, Building A Connection