Many shy guys have a hard time openly expressing interest and flirting with women. And that’s exactly why eye contact flirting is such an important flirting technique for shy guys to learn. It’s subtle, yet gets the point across while simultaneously creating attraction with the woman. If you’re a shy guy who wants to know how to use eye contact to flirt with women, then this article is for you.
The foundation of eye contact flirting
Shy guys often have difficulty maintaining eye contact with women – and people in general. That’s why the first step in learning how to flirt with eye contact is to develop the ability to hold eye contact with a woman.
If you’re shy, you probably notice that the second you lock eyes with an attractive woman every fiber of your being is telling your eyes to dart away. But keeping eye contact with women during these times is crucial. Strong eye contact is both how women see confidence in men, and is the first step in forming a personal connection. So at these moments it’s important to fight that urge and continue making eye contact with the woman.
To make this easier, keep in mind that the ability to make and hold eye contact with a stranger is what women want in a man. Women don’t want a man who looks away as if to “apologize” for noticing an attractive woman. Women want a guy who owns his feelings and isn’t afraid to make his presence known.
How to make eye contact with a woman (without being creepy)
Now, it’s not just making eye contact with women that matters. What’s important is how that eye contact is made. After all if it’s done wrong, it can come off as intimidating or even creepy. Rather than turn a girl on with eye contact, it may simply make her feel uncomfortable.
If you want to attract women with your eye contact then you must also project a warm, friendly vibe. And the best way to do this is by smiling with your eyes (also known as “smising”).
To get an idea of how this feels, think about what it’s like to laugh really hard. Notice how after you laugh, the area around your eyes feels relaxed. Your gaze becomes softer and is able to take in more of your surroundings.
That is the same kind of eye contact that attracts women. A hard, focused, intense gaze is the one that makes women uncomfortable. The soft, warm, open gaze that comes when you smile with your eyes however, is friendlier and more inviting. Therefore it’s a more effective way to attract women.
How to know a woman is interested in you (and what to do about it)
If you hold eye contact with a girl for more than a second or two (or if the girl looks at you, looks away, then looks back at you) it’s a sign the girl is interested. You’ve caught her attention and by her holding eye contact she’s given you an invitation to approach. So now is the time to act. Otherwise she’ll feel as though you’re not interested, or that you simply don’t have the confidence women want in a man.
So after making eye contact with a woman, obey the two second rule and go talk to her within two seconds (a great way start the conversation with the girl is with some fun, flirty banter). Take advantage of that window before it closes and she moves on to the next guy.
If you can’t make it over to her for some reason, or you just want to continue flirting with eye contact alone, there’s another trick you can do (this was mentioned by Justin in the Pickup Podcast episode on Signs of Attraction). And that is to just make funny faces at the girl. This is essentially non-verbal banter, and is a great way to get her laughing while showing you’re a fun, playful, and confident guy. It’s going to immediately separate you from other guys, and is a great way to get her interested in meeting you.
How to make a woman chase you with eye contact
Once you are talking to the girl, keep that same soft gaze. But don’t think you have to maintain eye contact 100% of the time. In fact, early in the conversation with a girl you just met, it’s best to look away about half the time. Then only give her more eye contact as she proves to be a cool, interesting girl. This will make you seem like more of a challenge, and will get her chasing you.
How to improve your eye contact with women
For a shy guy to get good at making eye contact with women he’s going to need some practice. If you want that friendly, confident eye contact with women to occur naturally in your interactions, here are a few exercises you can do:
Practice looking people in the eye as you walk down the street. When you’re walking past someone and he’s 4-5 steps away, look him in the eye and hold that eye contact long enough to learn what color his eyes are. (If anyone gets annoyed and asks what you’re doing just say you’re practicing eye contact. They’ll get confused and move right along).
Do the same thing and practice holding eye contact with cashiers, servers, and sales people. This is great practice as these people are often so used to being ignored that they appreciate that kind of personal connection.