Why Is She Not Returning My Calls Or Texts?

Here at the AoC headquarters, one of the questions that seem to pop up over and over again is, “I got this girls number. Why hasn’t she answered my text, call or messages?” We hear this at least once a week. There are two very simple answers to this question:

  1. She is not interested. At least not yet.
  2. She is busy and you really did not do anything to warrant her attention.

Just because you have nothing else going on does not mean that she doesn’t. Women have very active social lives. They are in high demand for events, parties, dates and friends. Look at the typical girl’s facebook page. She has her own career, possibly school and her own social life that existed before she ever gave you her number. You think that just because you had an innocent flirty exchange and managed to get her number that she’s been thinking about you since? Guys let’s be realistic here. Girls give out their numbers a lot. Sometimes, they do it just to get you to leave them alone.

There is one rule you should live by when it comes to getting numbers, and that rule is, “A quality interaction will get you a quality number.” So, I want to give you a few tips to create a quality interaction.

  1. Don’t think about going for the number unless you are really vibing. Enjoy the process of meeting someone new that’s cool. The number is just a perk of a great interaction.
  2. Show some interest in her other than her looks. Let her know that she is a cool person.
  3. Don’t wait until there is an awkward silence to get the number. In fact don’t ask for it at all. Assume that since the flirting has been going well that she would want to give you her number. Example: “You know you are really fun. We should hang out. Here, put your number in my phone.” (Then hand her your phone with the number pad open).
  4. If you have an abundance mindset and you have plenty of cool people in your life, why would you be complaining about flakes anyway? Get out there and start meeting plenty of cool people.
  5. Get busy. If you have an active life, you won’t come off as desperate which can kill any attraction that you have managed to create.
  6. Spend some time connecting on an emotional level. This will solidify the attraction you have built. Example: Match the emotions she is feeling on topics that excite her or that she is passionate about.

If you manage to do these few things you will find your flake rates going down. Sure you might not leave the club with as many numbers, but you will have a better chance at making better connections and getting some dates. Isn’t that the point anyway?

It’s easy to get wrapped up in someone when they are the only lead you have. Be careful getting invested in someone you have only spent five minutes getting to know. You have to actively allow yourself not to think about them. The more people you are meeting, the easier it is to do this. Get active.

Johnny Dzubak - author of 56 posts on The Art of Charm

Johnny happened upon the field of Social Dynamics and dating coaching quite by accident. Having been a touring musician much of his life, he felt the need to contribute positively to the world and was interested in the power of personal transformation. Johnny began educating himself about Social Dynamics and incorporating the concepts he learned into his day-to-day life. Soon after, he began coaching for a small Social Dynamics company out of Washington, DC; it was then that he met AJ & Jordan.

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in Art of Dating, Building A Connection

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