Responding to a Flirt-Text

So you’re sitting around you apartment your phone goes off. You pick it up and it’s a flirt text from the girl you met out at the bar last night. Great. Congratulations are in order. You hooked her interest to the point where not only is she going out of her way to contact you, she’s also flirting with you when she does it. But now you freeze: What do you say back to deepen the interest that you’ve created? Here’s your quick and dirty guide to what to do when she sends you a flirt text.

Don’t Worry About Responding Right Away

We’re not telling you to stretch the time out for effect. That’s a cheap trick and it doesn’t really work anyway. What we’re saying is, don’t feel like you have to say something perfect right away. If you have to take a bit of time to figure out what you’re going to say in response, go ahead and do that. It’s fine. You don’t want to take days, but taking a little bit of time to figure out what you want to say is OK. After all, one of the reasons that people text is so that the other person can get back to them when they have the time.

Don’t Worry About the Perfect Response

When she sends you a flirt text, you might feel like you have to say the perfect thing in response. And there’s nothing wrong with saying the perfect thing… except when the quest for that “perfect” thing prevents you from saying something that’s totally good — great even. The first thing that pops into your head might be great because it’s fun and spontaneous. On the other hand, something you agonize over for a couple hours might come across as too scripted and crafted. Generally the first good thing that you think of is going to be good enough.

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Recognize Your Goals

The point here isn’t to make her fall in love with you. The point is to capitalize on the interest that you’ve obviously already created or else she wouldn’t be sending you flirtatious texts in the first place. You’re basically just trying to get from this text to the next to the next.

But you’re also not trying to have an endless text conversation. Ultimately, all conversations that take place in text format, be it a Facebook chat or an email or whatever, are designed to get her to meet up with you in person. Keep your eyes on that prize.

Getting Her to Meet Up

So how do you do that? Wait for a high point in the interaction. Then, hopefully in a fun and flirtatious way, tell her that the two of you have to meet up. Don’t phrase it like a question. Take the initiative and tell her that you want to get together with her. Suggest something of mutual interest that you know she’s going to like.

Women want to like us. So make it easy on them by handling those flirt text messages the right way — every time.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1161 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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