Dating Chemistry | How to Determine if She’s a Good Match for You

dating chemistrySometimes you can feel the dating chemistry right away: The two of you click. Other times it can be hard to tell if things are happening the way you want them to. So when you’re in doubt, how do you know if she’s a good fit for you? This becomes increasingly important the more dates you go on. Here’s the quick guide from The Art of Charm on how you know if you should press things forward or move on.


Sign #1: Shared Sense of Humor
Sense of humor says a lot about who we are as people. So when the two of you have a shared sense of humor, you probably have a lot of other things in common. In fact, we often tell guys to start talking to girls in a humorous way. Humor takes the edge off of social interaction and can be a great social lubricant in general. It’s not going to entirely fuel a relationship, but it can get it rolling and ignite the spark of dating chemistry.

If you two have a sense of humor in common, you probably have a great deal of other things in common. Humor is mostly built on a shared view of the world as well as shared cultural references. Think about it: Don’t you have a similar sense of humor with most of your friends?

Sign #2: Shared Rapport
Do the two of you get along? Do you like spending time together? Is there an emotional connection there? All of this stuff is important when it comes to dating chemistry. You need to enjoy spending time together. You need to look forward to seeing each other. If it becomes a chore you’re better off moving on and trying to find someone that you do have that kind of connection with.

What’s more, how does your conversation flow? Do you guys always have something to talk about or is the conversation stilted and awkward? The former is a good sign of dating chemistry, while the latter is clearly not.

Sign #3: Sexual Spark
Let’s not mince words: If there’s no sexual spark between the two of you at the beginning, you’re probably not going to create one later. So if you’re not real hot to trot for each other, the relationship doesn’t have much of a future. Your time is better spent meeting other women, regardless of what kind of emotional connection you might have with her.

Once you start really getting into things, it’s time to start actually talking about the sexual side of things. Do the two of you

Sign #4: Shared Values
Shared values are necessary for anything to work over the long term, though they might not be as important for the short- and medium-term. So if you’re wondering about the long term, it’s time to start thinking about whether or not the two of you do have shared values. It doesn’t matter if you want to marry her and have kids or anything like that; It’s just that a lack of shared values can start creating some serious friction between a couple once you pass the month mark.


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AJ Harbinger - author of 1126 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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