Dating etiquette for men can be a tricky topic. By trying to follow the right etiquette in hopes of coming across as a “gentleman” or “good guy”, guys can actually make the opposite impression. Instead of coming across sweet and chivalrous, guys instead come across as weak and needy. Here are some of the more common mistakes guys make when trying to follow the standard dating etiquette for men, and what you should do instead.
Quit being such a nice guy
In an attempt to show good dating etiquette men will go out of their way to be “nice”. They’ll avoid saying or doing anything the woman might disagree with. They’ll laugh too hard at jokes and comments that weren’t even funny. They’ll act super attentive and interested in the girl – not because they are genuinely curious about what she has to say – but because they want her to see how interested they are.
If you find yourself being the “nice guy” – knock it off. No woman wants to date a lap dog who agrees with everything she says. Who she can walk all over and is just doing and saying whatever he thinks he needs to in order to be liked. Instead, don’t be afraid to own what you think/feel (you can always do this in a playful way). For example, instead of forcing yourself to laugh at an unfunny joke, playfully tease her about how lame it was (“What is this, open mic night?”). This is going to make the conversation more fun and real for both of you.
Nice guys trying to follow proper dating etiquette will try and avoid “rocking the boat” or “saying the wrong thing” – and that can make for some pretty boring date conversation. After all, if you are more interested in projecting a certain image than you are in actually connecting with the girl, then the conversation is likely to stay superficial. No connection will be made and as a result that second date won’t happen.
So don’t be afraid on your dates to have deeper, more authentic conversation. One of the easiest ways to do that is to simply bring up how you feel in the moment. If you feel nervous, state it. If there’s an awkward silence, call it out. Let her know what is going on with you and give her a chance to actually feel connected with you.
Have FUN on your dates
When men try and follow proper dating etiquette to a T they can wind up on some pretty uninspired dates. For example guys might take the girl out to “dinner and a movie” on a first date because, well, that’s just what dating is. Right?
Wrong. If you want to make an impression on your date then don’t be like every other guy out there. Ditch the dinner and a movie and take her someplace fun. Be creative. Find something you enjoy doing or would want to try out and invite her along to join you. Take a painting class. Go wine tasting. Take her dancing. Do an activity that would provide a lot of fun on its own, and make it that much better by bringing her along.
Stop trying to get her to like you
Some men who follow date etiquette but rarely get a second date will complain about how women just want to date “rich, good-looking guys” and “jerks”. That usually means the man is following this dating etiquette not because it’s part of who he is – but because he hopes to get something from it. And it’s that intention – that desire to get something from the girl you are with, that is driving women away.
Fixing this problem starts by fixing your mindset and how you view dates. Instead of having a goal of “getting the girl to like you” when you go out on a date, make your goal simply to enjoy yourself. You are not trying to win her over. You are simply enjoying your life and giving an opportunity to join you in something fun. If she’s likes the experience and wants to spend more time with you, that’s great. If not, that’s fine too. It means you won’t have to waste time with someone who ultimately isn’t right for you.
Make her earn your affection
A major mistake guys make dating is they make things way too easy (and boring) for a woman. Even if it’s a first date a guy will go into it completely sold on the girl, and just hope that the girl likes him back. Merely having this attitude is going to seep out in a guy’s voice, body language, and vibe. And it is going to be a huge turn-off for women.
So make your dates more fun, interesting, and exciting by making yourself more of a challenge for the woman. Don’t see it as your job to “win her over”. See it as her job to win you over. How can you do this? Get clear on the exact type of girl/relationship you are looking for, and then see if she fits the bill. If you are actively filtering the women you are dating – and not just trying to get any and every woman to like you – you are automatically going to come across as more attractive and desirable to the women you date.
Men can take dating etiquette too far sometimes. In an attempt to treat the girl with “respect” they will bury any attraction and sexual interest they might have for her. They don’t want to come off as “weird” or “gross” or “creepy” so they hide their interest and desire – and then wonder why they wind up in the “friend-zone”.
If you have desire to take things further with the woman you are dating, let her know it. Don’t sit back and wait for the “perfect moment”, or expect her to “make a move”. Man-up and do it yourself. Some ways to do this include: touching her more, leaning in for the kiss, or flat out stating how you are feeling and what you want to do next with her. Even if she doesn’t feel the same way, she’ll at least respect you more for owning up to your intentions and desires instead of hiding them.