How To Turn A Girl On With Conversation

Guys who want to know how to turn a girl on with conversation often want that one magic line that promises to arouse any girl.  But this search is not only futile (these lines don’t exist), it’s wildly limiting.  You see, there are several different ways of turning a girl on through conversation beyond “magic lines”.  By understanding the multiple avenues available you’ll be able to get a girl more turned on than any single line ever could.  Below are three areas you can focus on that will allow you to do just that.

Your words

One method of how to turn a girl on with conversation involves turning the conversation sexual.  Bringing up sex will prime her brain to start thinking about sex.  And the more she thinks about it, the more turned on she’ll get.  After all merely thinking about sex is enough to automatically trigger the physiological response of sexual arousal which will get her turned on.

Knowing you’ve got to turn the conversation sexual is one thing, but actually doing it is another.  For guys who don’t want to come across overly aggressive or creepy, it may seem like a tough thing to do.  But there are very easy ways to do it while keeping the conversation fun and playful.  One method is to use sexual innuendo.

Sexual innuendo just means talking about something that is non-sexual in a way that makes it seem sexual.  Certain words and phrases (something being hard, getting wet, etc) lend themselves to sexual innuendo rather easily.  The more you look for those words and phrases that could be taken sexually, the easier it is to find and use them.  (If you need examples, watch some clips of Todd from the show Scrubs)

Step 2: Projecting sexuality

Turning the conversation sexual will be a big help, but merely talking about sex isn’t enough.  When talking about sex guys are still likely to make one of two common errors.

Mistake #1:  Some guys will try too hard, making a point to show the girl how sexual they are.  It comes across as overbearing, aggressive, and even a bit creepy.

Mistake #2: Other guys go the opposite way.  They’re uncomfortable having a sexualized conversation with a girl because they don’t want to come across as creepy or disrespectful.  If you’re uncomfortable being sexual around a girl, she’ll be uncomfortable being sexual around you.

When it comes to projecting sexuality, the most important thing is that you’re comfortable in your own sexuality.  Show her that being sexual and talking about sex is no big deal.  When you’re comfortable being sexual, it allows her to be comfortable with it as well.

An exercise that may help you project that kind of sexual confidence is to “act as if”.  See yourself as the kind of guy who’s comfortable being sexual with women.  The type of guy who could go out and get any woman he wanted.  A guy who knows women want him (so he has nothing to prove) and knows he can show any girl a great time in the bedroom.  Get familiar with how that feels and begin to act how that guy (who’s just a more idealized version of yourself) would act.  Eventually, it’ll become your natural behavior and you’ll be able to project sexuality effortlessly.

Step 3: Touching

As great as sexual dialogue and projection are, at a certain point you’ve got to actually do something about it.  You don’t want to come across as a guy who’s all talk and bravado but no action.  You’ve got to show her that you’re comfortable getting sexual.

Touch demonstrates that you’re comfortable with becoming more intimate with her.  And as a bonus, physical touch releases oxytocin in the brain – so just by touching her you’re getting her to feel good.  And the further you are allowed to take your touch, the more turned on she’s going to be.

The most effective way to take advantage of this is to start touching early with light, playful taps in non-intrusive areas.  This gets her comfortable with your touch and gives you something to build from.  As you continue the interaction you’ll want to gradually increase the amount of touching you do (both frequency and duration of the touch) and begin to touch her in more personal areas (though not too personal…save that for later).

Here’s an example: Early in the interaction lightly tap her arm – right around the elbow.  From there you can gradually begin to touch her in areas that are a bit more personal.  Put your hand on her upper back and shoulder and start to let it rest for a few moments before taking it away.  This gives her the chance to get comfortable with your touch without being overwhelmed by it (taking your touch away shows you’re not out there to grope her and leaves her wanting more).  Continue to touch more and more intimate areas (lower back, outer thigh and eventually getting to her stomach, inner thigh, and face).  The further along you get (with her compliance), the more excited she’s going to be.

Touching is so powerful that it can completely transcend the words you use.  You can be talking about the most boring subject in the world but if you’re holding her close, stroking her hair and face, caressing her thigh, and whispering in her ear as you do it…then it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about, she’s going to get turned on.

If you can get all of this working together – sexualized conversation, showing comfort and confidence in your own sexuality, and touching intimately – you’ll drive her wild.  She’ll become completely turned on and be dying for you to take things further.

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Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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