What To Do If A Girl Texts You First

If a girl texts you first it’s a great sign that you made a good impression.  But just because she texted you doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed to see her again.   With that initial interaction over, it’s the way you text her that determines whether or not things will go any further.  To make sure you keep moving in the right direction here are some basic guidelines that cover what to do and how to respond if a girl texts you first.

When to text her back

After getting the first text from a girl you don’t want to wait too long to text her back.  “Playing it cool” and waiting a day or two to respond to her text doesn’t help.  The longer you wait, the easier it is for her to forget how fun it was meeting you.  That window of opportunity won’t stay open forever and so you want to take advantage while you can.

On the other hand, some guys get so excited when texting a girl that they’ll always send an instant reply.  Dropping everything the second a girl texts you can have a negative effect for two reasons:  First off, you may come on a little strong.  Secondly, it can look like you’ve got nothing else going on and are just sitting by your phone waiting for her to text you.

Of course this leaves a little bit of a gray area of exactly when to text back.  So here’s a general rule of thumb to follow when responding to a girl’s text:  Simply respond in the same amount of time you would if that text had come from any of your close friends.  Keeping that in mind will help you avoid the over-anxious instant text, and prevent you from waiting too long to text her back.

How to text her back

You want to make sure you set the right tone in your text messages to a girl.  You want to keep that positive impression alive and strengthen it if possible.  Here are a few things that will help you do that in your texts to a girl.

Keep your texts to her positive

The most important thing to remember when texting a girl – especially in the early stages – is to keep a light, fun, playful tone in your texts to her.  You want to be the fun guy who gets her smiling whenever she sees your name pop up in her phone.  If your texts to a girl are able to boost her mood, she’s going to be excited to see you again.

Move things forward

If a girl texts you first she’s giving you an invitation to continue the interaction… and that’s exactly what you should do.  Ignoring her text or sending her a text with a one word-reply will kill the conversation and may even make her regret texting you.

Instead, look to keep the conversation moving forward.  A very easy way to do this is to include an open-ended question in your reply to her.  This will make it very easy for her to respond and further the interaction.

For instance something as simple as: “so what kind of mischief are you up to today?” gives her a wide variety of responses while keeping a fun, playful tone to the conversation.

Mirror her texts

You can strengthen the rapport that was created in person over your texts to a girl through mirroring.  This just means making your texts to her look similar to the texts she sends you.  If she’s sending short, crisp texts, then you should keep yours short as well.  If she’s the type that talks a lot through text, then go ahead and reply in a similar manner.   Also look to use the same emoticons, punctuation, and the same words that she uses when possible.

When you communicate in the same style that she communicates in, she will see you as someone who is just like her.  This will help her feel comfortable with you.

Let her do the chasing

If a girl you just met texts you, she’s taken that little bit of effort to keep things between the two of you alive.  You want to reward that effort, but not too much.  You don’t want to wind up in the position of chasing her, as that will kill any attraction she may have towards you.  Instead, you want to show that, if anything, she’s the one chasing you.  Here are a couple ways that your texts to a girl can do just that:

Text her the same amount

Whoever is texting the most is putting in the most effort and therefore is the one doing the chasing.  You don’t want to find yourself texting a girl five times for every one text she sends you.  That clearly shows you’re the one doing the chasing.  You’ll look like a guy with limited options and she’s likely to lose interest.

However if you text her roughly the same amount that she texts you, that shows a healthy and mutual interest.  And if you find she’s texting you much more than you’re texting her, then it’s pretty clear she’s already the one doing the chasing.

Misinterpretation

A great way to create the dynamic that she’s the one chasing you is through misinterpretation.  Simply take the position that she’s clearly into you and playfully misinterpret what she texts to you in a way that suggest that she’s chasing after you.  Here’s an example of an actual texting interaction that shows what this can look like:

Torri: Guess what?

Ryan: You want to come to have drinks with me and get me so drunk you can take advantage of me?! Girl you are naughty!

Torri: Oh man! You totally read my mind…haha.  I’m back in New York

Misinterpretation allows you to keep things fun and playful while bringing a little sexual tension into the texting conversation.  These romantic implications will help you move the interaction forward and ensure she sees you in a more intimate way (which means you’ll stay out of the “friend zone”).

Texting her to meet up

Now if a girl texts you first it’s a clear sign she wants to stay engaged and connected with you.  And while she may have broken the texting ice, it’s entirely possible that this is all the initiative she’s going to take.  Where things go from there is going to be up to you.

In order for things to move forward you are going to have to take the lead.  So if you want to eventually meet up for a drink, an activity date…whatever, know that you’re the one who’s got to make it happen.  It’s simply your role as the man to move things forward.  By texting you first she’s given you that invitation to step up and show her a good time.

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Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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