The Art of Attracting Women

Sometimes you can get a woman attracted to you instantly.  Other times, attracting women is a more gradual process.  You’ll have to build that attraction with a woman step-by-step.   To learn the steps that will allow you to get a woman attracted to you in those circumstances, read on.

Young couple sharing a glass of red wine in restaurantGet her to notice you

Attracting women begins before you even approach a woman.  If you want to get a woman interested in you, you first need to get the woman to notice you.

There’s plenty you can do to get women to notice you in a positive way.  For starters, putting a little effort into dressing well – wearing clean, wrinkle-free clothing and nice shoes – can go a long way in attracting women.  (For more fashion advice for men check out the Art of Charm podcast with Aaron Marino)

Beyond your physical appearance you can get women interested in you by showing strong, confident body language.  To do this, stand up straight with your head up, shoulders back and relaxed, and a big smile on your face.  Don’t be afraid to take up space (when sitting or standing) as that is a body language sign of confidence and comfort.  (For more tips on attraction and body language check out the Art of Charm podcast with body language expert Blake Eastman)

Approach women directly

When you see a woman you like, continue to show confidence by approaching the woman directly.  From there, start a conversation with the woman by keeping things light, fun, and playful.  See if you can get the girl to smile as that will go a long way in making her feel comfortable and interested in getting to know you.

A good way to get the girl to smile is to start the conversation with a bit of playful teasing.  Keeping a big smile on your face, you could say something like “You look like trouble…” or “You know, you’d look cute with a purple Mohawk”.  The key is to have fun when starting conversations with women – as that will make it more fun for her.  (For more check out the Art of Charm podcasts on how to flirt and banter with women)

Build interest with women gradually

Showing too much interest too early in your interactions can kill attraction with women.  To prevent this, be sure to show negative body language early on in your conversations with women.  This shows a woman that if she wants your full attention, she’s going to have to earn it.

So at the start of your conversation with a woman, turn to the side and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with her.  Make eye contact about 50% of the time and look away with purpose the other 50%.  As the conversation with the woman continues and she proves to be worth your attention, give her more positive body language.  Face her with more of your body while making more eye contact with the woman.  She’ll place more value on your attention knowing that she’s earned it.

Make her chase you

Once you get that light, playful conversation going, get the woman to chase you by shifting to qualification.  In qualification you show you’re actually interested in who she is  You also put her in a position where she has to prove herself in order to keep your attention.

Qualification is as simple as asking a girl a question like “so what are some things I wouldn’t know about you just by looking?” or “you seem cool, what’s your deal?”  These are great questions to ask a girl because they get women to open up while giving you a chance to get to know the girl.  They are also very general, so the woman can answer them to whatever degree she feels comfortable.

Building rapport with women

Qualification can seamlessly transition into rapport.  This is where you connect on an emotional level and build lasting attraction with women.

To build rapport with a woman, ask her questions that get her to open up emotionally.  Some examples of rapport questions to ask a girl would be “so what were you like as a kid?” or “what’s the coolest place you’ve visited?”  What you really want to get into are the experiences she had and the emotions that went along with them.  Relate those emotions to your own life, and you’ve established an emotional connection.  (For more detail on how to build rapport with women check out the Art of Charm toolbox episode on how to build rapport)

Keep in mind that when it comes to building rapport with women, it’s often best if you go first.  Briefly share what your childhood was like before asking about hers.  This will help her feel safe about opening up to you.

How to get a woman turned on

She’s seen you’re confident.  You’ve made the girl laugh.  She’s proven herself to you and feels an emotional connection with you.  All that’s missing for attracting the woman is sexual tension.

The best way to create sexual tension and get a woman turned on is through touch.  It’s important then, to break the touch barrier as early as possible during your conversations with women.  Start off by using your hand to deliver light, playful taps around the elbow.  As the conversation progresses, touch her for longer periods of time while moving the touch in to more personal locations (the shoulder, back, thigh, etc).  As the touching increases, so will the sexual tension.

Another way you can increase sexual tension with a woman is through eye contact.  As you hold eye contact with a woman, think about the two of you getting physical together.  This alone can project a sexual vibe that can get the woman turned on.  (Just remember to see her as a person who will enjoy the experience – not just a sex object.  This will prevent your eye contact from coming across as creepy to women.)

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

Email


in Art of Dating, Flirting And Attraction