Eye Contact and Attraction

When it comes to attraction, eye contact does a lot.  You can use eye contact to show a girl you’re interested, to gauge her interest, and to create or deepen her attraction in you.  This article will cover all of that, and will even touch on the secret that allows you to make perfect eye contact with a woman every time.

Using eye contact to show interest

Eye contact and attraction go hand in hand; the simplest way to show a girl you’re interested in her is through eye contact.  It may seem like a subtle sign of interest to guys, but to women it’s clear as day.  But to do it right, you want to avoid the mistake most guys make in giving too much eye contact too soon.

You see, your eye contact reflects your level of interest, and interest becomes more valuable the more she has to work for it.  So if you’re at a bar and just started talking to a girl you don’t know, then you want to make eye contact about 50% of the time.  The rest of the time can be spent looking elsewhere (if you stand shoulder to shoulder, rather than face to face, it’s easy to casually look away).  As the interaction progresses and she proves that she’s an awesome girl, you’ll want to reward her with more interest.  This is when you give her more and more eye contact.

Using eye contact to gauge interest

Eye contact is the most common indicator a girl is interested in you.  If you’re wondering whether or not that girl across the room is wants to meet you, here are a few ways eye contact will let you know:

  • If a girl makes eye contact with you, looks away, and then looks back at you all within about 30 seconds…she’s interested.

  • If you lock eyes with a girl and she immediately looks down and away, that’s a sign of embarrassment.  She’s probably interested, but just feels shy.

  • If you lock eyes with a girl for a longer period of time than the usual quick glance – even if it’s just 2-3 seconds – it’s a sign she’s likely interested.

Create attraction with confident eye contact

Our eyes express our emotional state.  Anytime you allow someone to look into your eyes you’re allowing them to see how you feel at that moment.  You’re making yourself vulnerable and letting them get a glimpse of the real you.  And this is why eye contact and attraction are so strongly connected.  Eye contact is an incredibly strong indicator of confidence.

When someone feels insecure they will have a hard time maintaining eye contact.  Their eyes will likely dart around the room as a means of “hiding”.  But when someone feels confident, maintaining eye contact comes easily.  A confident man is able to keep a strong, steady gaze.  His eyes don’t dart nervously, they move with purpose and intention.

So when you’re talking to a woman, keep a steady gaze.  When you look away do so with purpose and intention and avoid nervous darting.   It’ll help you come across as more confident, which will help generate those feelings of attraction in her.

Create attraction with friendly eye contact

Plenty of guys can make strong, steady eye contact but still find they’re unable to connect or build much attraction.  This usually is a result of how they make eye contact.  To build attraction eye contact needs to show more than confidence.  It also needs to show that you’re a positive, friendly guy.  And the way to do this is by “smiling with your eyes”.

Listen or watch something that makes you laugh really hard.  When you’re done laughing, notice how your eyes feel and take a look at them in a mirror.  You can see and feel that warm positivity coming from your eyes.  Remember that feeling, because that’s what you want to have whenever you make eye contact with a woman.  You’ll project a warm, friendly vibe and she’ll be more receptive to you.

The secret to perfect, effortless eye contact

Sure eye contact shows confidence and interest, but that’s not what it’s really about.  What eye contact is really about, is giving.  It’s about giving the woman attention and respect, and showing her that you appreciate her for the beautiful person she is (and not just physical beauty).  When you’re able to see a woman in that light – to look at her and appreciate her for who she is – then perfect, effortless eye contact (the steady gaze, smiling with your eyes, knowing when to hold eye contact and when to look away) all comes naturally.

Eye contact bonus! What to do when you get caught staring at a woman

When you’re checking out a girl and she catches you, what do you do?  Lots of guys out there will feel embarrassed, avert their eyes, and act like nothing happened.  Their eyes will often dart down and away, as if to tell the woman “sorry I was checking you out”.

But all this does is show a lack of confidence.  And if that’s her first impression, then building up any attraction is going to be incredibly difficult.  So instead of apologizing, own up to it.  Maintain that eye contact and attraction will have a chance to be created.

Besides, there’s nothing wrong with letting a girl know she’s attractive and has caught you’re attention.  It’s flattering.  So long as you’re not creepy about it, there’s nothing to worry about.  And to ensure you don’t come off as creepy, all you’ve got to do is relax and give her a nice smile.

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Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attracting women was something he could learn Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm Podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he’s made in his own life since the program he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.


  • Shazib

    Thanks for the tips, although i’m able to (mostly) hold a steady gaze, a smile or a smile through eyes is what i was missing also even though i knew about that ‘secret’ i usually don’t follow that…thank you for reminding me that :p.

  • JoJo

    yes, I believe it takes confidence and charisma to get my attention to look into a man’s eyes! He definitely has the confidence- that’s what I love about the guy I know!

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  • Jj

    I was just at the supermarket, I noticed an extremely attractive girl. I knew she was there as I could feel her not just in presence, but attraction.
    I was at the self check in and she was opposite me. Both facing eachother. I knew she was there as I had already had a slight glance but she didn’t know that. Anyway i was doing my thing then I looked up and she was staring me directly into my eyes. Then she looked down and made out like it didn’t happen. What was scary about it though, is she was incredibly beautiful and it’s like in that moment she saw into my soul and my whole life flashed before my eyes. Never have I felt so uncomfortable, if there is a thing called love at first sight, then that was defs it. I know nothing will come about from this. But in this moment I was vulnerable, happy, intrigued. It gave me hope and to this beautiful stranger. Thankyou

    • vince

      well what happend there was she got a glimpse of who you are and what your life is about.

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  • Akas

    I so happy for this w——-

  • Sharon Newman

    ill slap his face if he ever lays eyes on me again !