“It’s never going to be perfect, I’m never going to have all the answers and I don’t want all the answers because that would be boring!” Â –Â Jesse Elder
About Jesse Elder
Jesse Elder started teaching martial arts at 15 and competed in underground bar fights in his late teens. He later opened his own martial arts school and grew it to eight locations, with a consulting company for others in the industry attached. After selling the schools to a partner, he began coaching entrepreneurs and then a wider audience on what he calls self-mastery. He teaches a framework called the Triad, which covers physicality, relationships, money and a connection to something bigger than yourself. His site is jesseelder.com.
Key takeaways
- You can’t control what other people feel about your setbacks, and letting that go frees you to focus on yourself.
- Aim at what’s useful, not what’s “true”: if a method produces measurable, beneficial results, keep it, and if it doesn’t, drop it.
- Tracking what matters to you, whether money, health or relationships, makes it improve, and recording it makes it improve even faster.
- Confidence is subtractive: you remove insecurity and old beliefs instead of adding a persona.
- Accepting yourself as you are makes room for connection with no need to manipulate anyone, or be manipulated.
- Real success means progress in body, relationships, money and spirit at the same time, not one at the expense of the others.
Jesse’s idea that confidence comes from subtracting doubt, not adding a persona, is a lot easier to practice with feedback and people to try it on. That’s the thinking behind the X-Factor Accelerator, our 90-day program for social skills, confidence, presence and connection.
The Cheat Sheet:
- How he fought and won a dojo? (16:10)
- The acid test: how to use it for success in any area of your life. (25:00)
- His merit-based approach to dating. (35:00)
- What is a need-free connection and how can you cultivate it? (41:10)
- Money makes us ___. Jesse fills in the blank. (48:50)
- And so much more!
What can we learn from a “Fight Club”esque fighter/former bouncer turned martial arts school owner turned multi-million dollar businessman about self-mastery? Plenty.
Jesse Elder is a present day successful entrepreneur and business man who started his career in the underground bar fight scene and learned some startling self-mastery lessons along the way. He joins The Art of Charm to share his lessons, his keen insights and authentic views on life, love and business.  ÂMore About This Show:
Jesse’s path began like it does for many people: he took martial arts as a kid. He loved it and by the age of 15, he was teaching courses. He had the benefit of having teachers who were always happy to get out of the way once they had given the help that was needed and Jesse thrived on that support. By 17 and 18, he was competing and quite successfully so.
Around this time, the UFC was gaining in popularity and one of his local clubs began to offer bar fight night on Thursdays. They rolled out a wrestling mat on the dance floor and whoever wanted to, could step into the ring. He thought this was an opportunity he would regret not seizing so he went for it. And that first night, he entered two fights and won both. A new path opened up for him; in addition to bouncing and teaching, he started fighting regularly and built up a reputation. One summer in particular, he simply kept winning. Until he faced one particular opponent. This man was 40 pounds heavier than Jesse and, unbeknownst to Jesse, was greased up with Vaseline. No matter what Jesse did, he couldn’t get a handle on this guy and couldn’t bring him down. For three full rounds, he sparred and tried his very best but to no avail. Jesse could not bring him down and Jesse lost, in front of hundreds of people including friends, family, and his students. When Jesse left the match, he told his crew to take him to the hospital because he couldn’t breath. It felt like he was sucking air through a coffee straw. At the hospital, the doctor told him his nose was moved over an inch from where it should be, he had a concussion and his left lung was collapsed. But as Jesse sat there taking it all in and seeing what his family and friends who were waiting for him were going through, he asked himself: How I am doing right now? And the strange part was his answer: I am fine. Jesse thought, who is this I if I am fine? He understood it wasn’t his body, which was racked with pain, but the energy that animated his body. For so long he had associated himself with his body, but now he understood he was far more than that. He also got that he couldn’t change someone else’s experiences. He saw his friends and family going through what they were going through when he was in the hospital, but he couldn’t change that for them. It was their own independent experience to have. That was one of his first lessons in self-mastery. That moment in the hospital was absolutely pivotal for him. He stopped caring what others thought of him, and started seeing other people as an extension of himself. Within a year, he opened his own martial arts school and sought out successful mentors to help him understand the business side of things, he knew nothing about sales or marketing. He soon understood his success wasn’t going to rely on how great of a martial artist Jesse was, but how well he served others. Not long he understood and implemented those practices, the business was earning six figures a year, then six figures a month and about the time Jesse sold it, the business was reaching six figures a WEEK. So why would he walk away from that? That brings us to his second lesson in self-mastery: he realized he was done with it. It was time to move on to the next thing, the next phase of his life. He sold his business to a partner and walked away from it because he wanted to work with people outside of (or not just within) the martial arts world. Soon after, he started coaching. His first program was done all via grassroots marketing efforts, meaning he sent people private messages on various social media outlets about the program and enthusiastically encouraging them to sign up! There was no funnel system, no landing page, none of that. He simply had the idea to go for it one day after he posted a video about self-mastery and got tons of great feedback. He wanted to help people upgrade their lives, in any and all areas. And that’s exactly what he does today and why he joined us for episode 298. There’s so much more Jesse and I talk about, I hope you’ll listen and digest all the great takeaways in this show…and then start applying them to your life for self-mastery. You’ll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm PodcastBest quotes from Jesse Elder
“I have a body but I’m not my body.”
Jesse Elder, 12:30
“I’m much less concerned with what’s true than what’s useful, and to me that’s the acid test.”
Jesse Elder, 24:31
“That which is measured improves. That which is measured and recorded improves exponentially.”
Jesse Elder, 32:00
“It really isn’t hard. What’s hard is pretending to be something that you’re not.”
Jesse Elder, 38:32
“Money just makes us more of who we are, and the more we have, the more choices we get.”
Jesse Elder, 48:00
FAQ
Who is Jesse Elder?
Jesse Elder is an entrepreneur and coach who began as a martial arts instructor and underground bar fighter. He built a martial arts school into eight locations, sold it, and went on to coach people on self-mastery. In this episode he tells that story and explains the lessons he drew from it.
Is this episode about Sigma University Collective?
No. Sigma University Collective doesn’t come up in this conversation, so we can’t speak to it here. The episode is about self-mastery, money habits and balanced success. For his current programs, check his own site at jesseelder.com.
Is it Jesse Elder, Jesse Edler or Jessie Elder?
The guest is spelled Jesse Elder. The other spellings are common typos, and the automatic captions can garble names too. His site is jesseelder.com.
What is the Triad Jesse Elder talks about?
The Triad is a triangle he uses to map a balanced life. Physicality (your body, health and environment) is at the top, human connection is on one corner, and money or prosperity is on the other. Your connection to something infinite sits in the middle. His point is that all of these areas are linked, and you should grow in each one at once instead of trading one away for another.
Related reading
- Overcoming fear of other people's opinions with Dr. Michael Gervais
- Authentic confidence
- How to build confidence
- Gary John Bishop on the art of being wise AF
If you want a guide and a group while you work on this, the program starts with a 1:1 onboarding call with Johnny and adds weekly group coaching. See what the 90 days look like →
