How to Become an Alpha Male – While Staying a Gentleman

There’s a common misconception guys have when it comes to how to become an alpha male. Often guys think that to be an alpha male they have to be physically imposing, loud, and domineering. But the fact is none of those traits have anything to do with being an alpha male. To find out what it really means to be an alpha male and how you can become one, read on.

thumb upBe an alpha male in your conversations with women
Alpha males are not afraid to go after what they want. So if you want to become an alpha male, a great place to start is by owning your intentions and being direct with what you want.

For example, if you want to start a conversation with a woman don’t try to mask your intentions or act like you’re not interested. Instead walk up to her directly, make direct eye contact with the woman, and smile. Start things off with a simple “Hi, you’re totally cute, my name is ___” or throw out some playful banter. (For banter examples check out the Art of Charm banter cheat sheet)

From there, continue projecting that alpha male confidence with women by being committed to the interaction. Guys who don’t commit – who hesitate, hold back, or bail out early – come across as lacking confidence with women and are easily ignored. However, guys who commit are much more likely to come across as an alpha male and ultimately create attraction with women.

Become an alpha male by becoming a leader
One of the defining traits of an alpha male is leadership. So if you want to show people that you’re an alpha male, you need to show that you are a leader.

After approaching a woman in the direct manner mentioned above, a great way to show alpha male leadership is simply to lead the woman through the interaction. Don’t wait for her to give off certain signs of interest or expect her to take things to the next level. If you want things to go further you’ve got to get the ball rolling yourself. (For more on where to steer your conversations with women check out the Art of Charm’s interaction map.)

For example, if you want to build rapport with a woman and create an emotional connection, do so by taking the lead and sharing your emotions first. Instead of just asking a question like “so what do you like about this place?” start by telling her what you like about the venue – then ask for her thoughts and feelings. By going first in this way, you show her it’s safe for her to open up and express herself to you. This is important because building rapport with women is vital if you ever want to build attraction with women.

Project strong, confident body language
People can tell whether or not you’re an alpha male just by your body language and the way you carry yourself. Any guy shuffling his feet along with a bowed head and slumped shoulders isn’t showing the body language of an alpha male and therefore won’t be seen as one.

To show you’re an alpha male then, maintain powerful, open, and confident body language. When standing, keep your feet should-width apart, knees slightly bent and let go of any tension in your body (try shaking out any tense body parts). Take deep, controlled breaths as often as possible as it will help you naturally project relaxed, confident body language.

To further project confidence with body language, be sure to always keep your back straight (like there’s a string pulling up from the base of your spine through your head) and roll your shoulders down and back. Keep your chest open by letting your arms fall by your sides (crossing arms across your chest makes you look defensive). All this will help you project a calm confidence through body language.

The voice of an alpha male
One of the simplest methods for how to become an alpha male is to speak the same way an alpha male speaks. That means don’t rush your words or speak in a high, tense pitch. Instead, show confidence and speak like an alpha male by talking at a constant, steady, relaxed pace. Keep your pitch low and controlled. For an additional punch of authority in your speech, speak down (lower your pitch) at the end of your sentences. This will help you sound like a confident alpha male who is sure of himself.

Alpha male personality type
Guys who try to be alpha males are always competing with other men – trying to show men up and cut other guys down. On the other hand, guys who are alpha males don’t worry about how they compare to others or what other people think of them. Real alpha males don’t care about that stuff because they know their true value as a man comes from within. (For more on how to build confidence through knowing your own internal value, check out the Art of Charm podcasts on value.)

Contrary to popular belief, alpha males aren’t combative, they’re cooperative. They look to get along with everyone and have the social skills to do it. Remember this next time you’re out and some wanna-be alpha male insults you and tries to make you look bad. Rather than sinking down to his level and insulting him back, say something like “that’s pretty funny. My name is ___. How’s your night going?” Moving on like that will help you look like an alpha male, avoid drama, and will likely get women to notice you in a good way.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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