Before my Art of Charm bootcamp I had no clue how to pick up a girl in a coffee shop. But shortly after my program, I met a girl in a coffee shop and went on to date her for over a year. Here are some of the tips I learned from my bootcamp that taught me how to pick up a girl in a coffee shop that will help you do the same.
Get women to notice you with eye contact
Eye contact is great for getting your foot in the door with a woman. When you make eye contact with a woman and she holds your gaze you know you’re on her mind. At that point it almost becomes awkward not to approach the woman.
As a general rule if you make eye contact with a woman and she holds your gaze for more than a few seconds – or if you make eye contact with the woman multiple times over the course of a few minutes – take that as a sign the woman is interested in you and approach the woman right away.
How to approach a woman
After you make eye contact with the woman approach her directly with confident body language. Keep your head up, shoulders back, walk with a strong, purposeful stride, and smile. This shows women confidence and will help get the woman interested in you right away. (For more on how attract women with body language check out the Art of Charm Toolbox episode on body language and attraction)
If the girl never makes eye contact with you… approach the girl anyway. Worst case scenario is she gets mildly annoyed for 3 seconds before forgetting the experience completely. Best case scenario is you brighten her day, get the girl attracted to you, and turn it into the best coffee shop experience she’s ever had.
Starting a conversation with a woman
The first step in starting a conversation with a woman you meet during the day is to get the girl to feel relaxed and comfortable talking to you. To do this, keep your conversations with women light and fun at the beginning.
One way to keep your conversations with women light is to be completely open and up-front with your intentions. For example saying “Hi, you’re really cute and I wanted to meet you” is a great way to start a conversation with a girl. Being direct like this means she doesn’t have to wonder “What does this guy want?” throughout the conversation. (You may also find being direct eases any approach anxiety you may have had and makes it easier to start a conversation with a woman.)
Another way to start a conversation with a girl is to dive straight into some playful banter. If she’s in a coffee shop she’s probably doing something (reading, writing, etc.), so a great banter technique would be to simply tease her about whatever she’s doing. The girl I met was reading a biology text book and my brilliant opening line was “That looks hard”. At the end of the day you don’t some earth-shattering pickup line that will make how to pick up a girl a breeze – just be friendly and get a conversation going. (For examples on how to banter with playful teasing check out the Art of Charm Podcast on how to banter and flirt with women)
Show women confidence
When starting a conversation with a girl it’s important to commit to the interaction. The more you commit, the easier it will be to get (and keep) the girl interested in you.
One way to commit to the interaction is to simply sit down with her. Right after you start a conversation with the girl ask if you can join her. Or, if she seems open and receptive, just assume the woman wants you to join her and sit right down. This shows women confidence can make you more attractive to women.
Continuing the conversation with the girl
After banter you can get to know her by shifting into qualification/rapport. Simply ask the girl a question like “So what are you up to today?” and you’ll start to get a feel for who she is and what she’s like.
As the conversation continues, you can build deeper rapport with women. Questions like “So what do you do for fun?” or “What would you do with $10 million right now” can be good questions to ask a girl because they keep the conversation light and fun while giving you a deeper look into what matters in her life. Get the girl to open up (and keep in mind you will have to open up that same way) and you’ll build an emotional connection that will get the girl interested in you.
How to ask a girl out
There are a few things to keep in mind when asking a girl on a date that make it more likely she’ll say yes. First, if possible, invite the girl out is when your conversation reaches a high point – when you’re both having fun, feeling connected, and enjoying each other’s company.
Second, always have potential date ideas in your back pocket. That way when you meet a woman you want to date you’ll already have an idea of what you can do together. Make the date something fun (dancing, cooking dinner together) and you’ll have a better chance getting women to say yes. (For more date ideas check out the podcast on first date tips for men)
Finally, when possible set a concrete time and place for your date. Making a solid plan keeps women from flaking and increases the likelihood that this date will actually happen.
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