How to Talk to Women at Coffee Shops

Meeting women during the day can be a great way to practice your skills and add to your dating life. One of the best places to meet women during the day? Coffee shops. Like a lot of guys I talk to, you’ve probably seen a woman you were interested in, but weren’t sure how to talk to women at coffee shops. The good news is, it’s not that different from talking to a woman at a club or bar.

Starting the Conversation

When you start a conversation with a woman, I generally recommend that you start out with a playful mindset. This allows both you and the woman to be at ease around another, without a lot of pressure. It’s good to have something to say when you first start talking to her that doesn’t have a lot of content to it and will make her smile.

As you get used to socializing during the day you’re going to come up with your own ways to talk to women in coffee shops. For now, here are three that I like a lot:

  • “Do you ever get the feeling that the barista is just in it for the money?”
  • “Can I buy you can Irish coffee?”
  • “I hear the coffee is way better in Italy. Do you want to go grab a cup?”

The point here is to get a conversation rolling without questions that demand personal information like “What are you drinking?” or “Do you like that book you’re reading?”

Building a Rapport

Go with the conversation you started for a bit. It’s fun. For example, talk about the reasons you feel that the barista is only in it for the money, how you only drink Irish coffee after noon or talk about the problems you have getting to Italy in your private jet with gas prices so high. When you first start talking to a woman the point is to have fun, make her smile and pique her interest.

Once you’ve got the ball rolling, introduce yourself and switch to topics that are a bit more serious. Now is the time to ask her about the book she’s reading, what she’s drinking or what she’s working on with her laptop. Keep your questions open-ended. For example, don’t say “What are you reading?” Instead, say “What do you like about the book you’re reading?” The first has a quick and definitive answer. The latter allows for her to talk more, which in turn allows for more back and forth.

Back and forth is important. You want to hear what she has to say and then build on it. When she says she likes how the writer uses language, you ask her what she likes about it. When she tells you, tell her about a writer that you like and what you like about him. The point is to keep the ball going back and forth, to build on common interest and create attraction.

Getting the Number

When you feel that the conversation has reached a high point, it’s time to get those digits. Here’s how you do it:

  1. Get your phone ready for her to put her number in.
  2. Hand her your phone.
  3. Tell her that you want to get together some time. Mention a couple things you might like doing — fun date ideas.
  4. Ask for her number.
  5. Tell her that you’re going to text her so that she has your number.
  6. Say that you’ll let her get back to her book and coffee.

What If Things Don’t Go Well?

If things don’t go well, don’t worry about it. People are creatures of habit and there’s a good chance you’re going to see her in the coffee shop again. Don’t worry about giving it another chance — just go through the steps again. Best of all you’ve already had an introduction, so it’s even easier to get in a conversation. Be ready to see her again and have your “A” game handy.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1124 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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