The Art of Attraction: How to Create It From the First Word You Speak

The art of attractionIdeally, you should be creating attraction even before you start talking to a woman. Believe it or not, you can have her eating out of the palm of your hand right from the first word you speak. This is what happens when you master the art of attraction. Best of all, it’s not a magic trick; Rather, it’s a simple set of processes that any man can learn and master.

The Art of Attraction Begins When You Enter the Room

It’s a simple fallacy: If you don’t see her, she doesn’t see you. Of course, nothing could be more incorrect. Women are more apt to notice you entering a room than vice versa. This is why we start by entering a room the right way: Standing tall, smile on the face, projecting confidence. Try and high five your friend or a door guy or even another patron as you walk in. You’re laying the foundation for every interaction you’re going to have that night.

Act Decisively

How many times have you gone out, seen a woman you wanted to talk to and then scoped her from across the room for half an hour before you approached? Approach anxiety is the enemy. You need to approach decisively within seconds of seeing a woman that you want to talk to. It’s one of the best ways to get the conversation started off on the right foot. She’ll notice that you were the guy who saw her and approached right away.

Using Your Voice

Having a confident voice is another subtle way to showcase your best aspects. Say everything with conviction and purpose. Speak clearly, don’t mumble and check your “ums” and “uhs.” This type of thing takes a lot of practice, but is one of the most powerful tools you can have in your art of attraction box. One way to dramatically increase the power of your voice? Make a mental note every time you use a placeholder word like “um” or “uh.” It’s not a contest — the mere act of paying attention will put you on an upward curve toward eliminating these kinds of phrases from your vocabulary all together.

The Ultimate Key to Confidence: Being Your Own Man

The biggest way you can get an interaction off on the right foot is by not being needy, not seeking approval and by getting all the validation and value you need from inside yourself. There’s a reason that needy people are off putting to others: Social situations are inherently stressful. They become more stressful when another person comes up and wants other people to make them feel OK.

Everyone is a little on edge when they’re out at a bar or a club. You can make everyone around you feel comfortable with having a good time when you’re having a good time all on your own, not seeking permission from others to enjoy yourself. People — men and women — will notice this and relax a little. If you can start a conversation by having her relax a little, she’s going to remember you as the guy who brought the party. That, my friends, is the ultimate key to the art of attraction.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1126 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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