Life After Divorce – Getting Back into the Dating Scene

Getting back after divorce can be brutal – and feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under you. But over time, you will be able to rebuild your life. Before you know it, you’ll be attracting women and excited to start dating again. To learn how to get to that point as fast as possible, check out the following tips for men getting over a divorce.

Dealing with a divorce

Anytime you’re getting over a breakup, remember that you won’t move on from the breakup all at once. Especially after a divorce, it’s likely you’ll slowly cycle through all five stages of grief (denial -> anger -> bargaining -> depression -> acceptance). Some men are tempted to shortcut this process by immediately dating after a divorce and getting a woman to fill that void. But the only way to truly deal with a breakup and the grief that goes with it is to patiently go through the entire grieving process.

There are however, ways to make the grieving process much less painful for men dealing with divorce. Talking to friends you trust, a therapist, a life-coach, or joining a men’s group are great ways to handle your grief and move on from a breakup. Learning to meditate is another great coping device to look into, as it will help you deal with the emotions that arise when dealing with a breakup (a great place to learn meditation is the Sharon Salzberg book Real Happiness).

(For more tips on how to get over a breakup, check out the Art of Charm podcast on getting over a breakup)

How to be happy after divorce

Getting over a divorce is the perfect time to focus on YOU. To rebuild your identity and create a life you love that does not need a woman to be complete.

To do this, fill your life after divorce with activities and hobbies you enjoy. The activities you loved but stopped doing once you got married… the hobbies you’ve never had time to explore… now is the time to dive into them.

The more time you spend exploring the activities and hobbies you love, the better you’ll feel about your life after divorce. It will build confidence in yourself, and even make you more attractive to women. When you love your life, getting women interested in you and having exciting conversations with women becomes much easier.

How to rebuild your life after a divorce

When rebuilding your life after getting a divorce, consider getting a new wardrobe. Get rid of the “husband” clothes and start dressing like a bachelor. New clothes alone can build your confidence and help you feel like a new man. (For fashion tips for men, check out the Art of Charm Podcast with men’s stylist Aaron Marino).

When revamping your wardrobe be sure to find clothing that makes you feel good. Clothes that make you feel like the powerful, successful man women want. Make sure they fit well and keep them clean and ironed. This will get women to notice you, which is going to build your confidence that much more.

Move on from a divorce by running with the right crowd

As you create this new life after your divorce, it’s a good idea to spend more time hanging out with your single guy friends. These guys understand your new situation better than your married friends. They will help you get over the breakup by teaching you to embrace all the great things that single life has to offer.

If you don’t have single guy friends, sites like meetup.com can be great in helping you find fun activities and meet people – two key components for getting over a breakup.

Preparing to date after a divorce

After dealing with a divorce, lots of men see themselves as “damaged goods” with nothing to offer women. So before you start dating after a divorce, make an effort to purge these beliefs from your mind (or at least stop buying into them).

One way to eliminate those thoughts is to shift your focus and pay attention to the reasons why being divorced makes you MORE attractive to women. Some of the advantages that will help you attract women include:
● You may feel less pressure to find “The One”. Having been through all that you can now relax and enjoy meeting women and dating for the fun journey it is.
● Your time as a husband is proof that you know how to be in a committed relationship and share your life with another person. Long-term, that’s the kind of man women want.
● You can easily relate to and build rapport with women who have gone through a divorce.

(For more dating tips for divorced men, be sure to check out the Art of Charm Podcast with Kimberly Seltzer)

Finding love after divorce

Once you start to feel complete and happy with your life after divorce, you’re ready to meet women and start dating again. But don’t just go out there looking to attract any woman, go out and attract the right woman. Before you start dating after a divorce, take some time to figure out just what you want from your relationships with women.

Ask yourself, what type of woman do you want? What type of relationships are you looking for? What are you hoping to gain from the experience? Write these answers down. The more clear and detailed you can be, the more it’s going to help you attract women.

When you have standards and are selective like this, it makes you that much more attractive to women – and is a great way to get women to chase you. Plus, when you know exactly what you want, you have a far better shot at actually getting it.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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