The Ins and Outs of What Attracts Women

Every guy wants to know what attracts women. But there’s no shortcut here. Sure, knowing what women want is going to give you an advantage over guys who have no idea. Still, there’s a lot of work to do in providing women with what they want even when you realize what that is. The Art of Charm has put tens of thousands of hours in studying the social arts. In that process, we’ve learned a lot about what people — men and women — want. Here’s a quick guide to what women want.

Women Want to Be Treated Like Individuals

This is a big one when it comes to understanding what attracts women. While there certainly are differences between men and women broadly speaking, not all women are the same anymore than all women are the same. Don’t treat her like your ex and don’t talk about “what women want” or “what women are like.” It’s a good way to turn her off real fast.

Women Want to Be Listened To

One of the things we’ve identified here at The Art of Charm is that women really hate it when they think you’re not listening to them. You need to do more than just wait for your turn to talk. You need to listen to what she has to say, keep eye contact with her while speaks and respond to what she says. You might want to begin your response with something directly related to what she just said. This will show her that you’re paying attention. It also allows you for a good jumping off point for what you have to say.

Women Want You to Be Interested in Who They Are

Sure, it’s good to give compliments. But a lot of guys do it all wrong. They tell her how hot she is, or that they like her makeup or what she’s wearing. It’s not that telling her that stuff is necessarily bad. It’s just that she already knows you think she’s nice to look at. She wants to know that you’re interested in who she is as a person. This doesn’t have to be — and ideally shouldn’t be — super complicated. You can say something like “You seem pretty cool” or “You’re adventurous and I think that’s awesome.”

Whatever compliment you give her, just make sure that it’s a sincere one.

Women Want to Feel Special

And really, who doesn’t? This is a big no brainer with knowing what attracts women. So how do you do that?

A lot of times you do it in simple ways. One way is by asking for her number at a high point in the interaction, rather than when you’re ready to bounce. A lot of times if you ask a girl for her phone number right before you leave she just feels like another one that you hit up that night, rather than someone you made a connection with. This is a huge bummer, because she can have this perception even if it felt like you did make a connection.

So don’t wait until you’re ready to leave. Just ask her when the moment is right.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1162 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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