Quick Summary: Dr. Liesel Sharabi, relationship researcher at Arizona State University, explains how dating apps have gamified online dating and shifted who uses them. The apps draw younger users but also attract people who aren’t serious about relationships, creating frustration for those looking to actually meet someone. She covers how algorithms shape who we see, why people fill in gaps about matches they haven’t met, and what that means for first dates.
Key Takeaways
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Dating apps gamified online dating (02:39): “They’ve made it fun to just swipe and to accumulate matches, they’ve turned it into a game. In doing that they’ve drawn in a lot of younger people but they’ve also drawn in a lot of people who aren’t necessarily serious about meeting anyone.”
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We fill in the gaps about people we haven’t met (11:49): “You’re also going on a lot of first dates, you’re not having second dates. And when people are engaging in extended messaging before meeting someone, they tend to fill in these gaps about the other person…the person at the table can struggle to live up to that imagined version.”
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Algorithms shape who you see, not who’s best for you (03:34): “Dating apps, it’s much more based on your behaviors…they’re not matching you based on who you say you’re looking for, they’re showing you people based on who you’ve swiped on in the past.”
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First dates feel higher stakes after extended messaging (12:20): When you’ve been messaging for weeks, both people have built up expectations. The face-to-face meeting has to live up to an imagined connection that may not be real.
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Apps brought dating to a younger demographic (02:27): Traditional dating sites attracted older users. Apps brought online dating to people under 30 by making it mobile, free, and casual.
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