Struggle to say no? Hold back from asking for what you need because you don’t want to disappoint anyone?
In this Social Intelligence Briefing, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak dig into why being “nice” can keep you stuck.
In this episode
- The “virtue mask”: saying the accommodating thing because stating a preference feels pushy. Approval moves get you approval; only respect moves get you respect
- A third response at work that’s neither “sure, no problem” nor resentment: “I can take that on today if we move the report to Monday. Which one is the priority?”
- Research on declining invitations: people expected a much worse reaction than the people inviting them actually reported
- Why feeling pushy isn’t the same as being seen as pushy
- Asking for what you need with a clear, manageable request that leaves the other person free to say no
Try this this week
Pick one low-stakes conversation. Write down the sentence you’ve been avoiding and the reaction you expect. Then say it, and write down what actually happened, not just what you felt.
