How Women Think

By understanding how women think, men will have an easier time connecting with women in all phases of a relationship. To illustrate the point, here are some insights into how women think that will help you get a better understanding of how to attract women, build rapport with women, and even improve your sex life.

Women and attraction
Men often make the mistake of believing women think just like them. For example, since many men find physical appearance to be key to attraction, they assume that women think the same way – that women are only attracted to ‘good-looking’ guys.

But studies (as well as everyday conversations with women) have shown that women simply don’t rate physical appearance as being particularly important for attraction. What women want are strong, confident, powerful men who are comfortable in their own skin.

One often overlooked way to show that powerful confidence to women comes from how you speak to women. See, when a guy lacks confidence with women he’ll often find himself talking faster and at a higher pitch than usual. If you can keep a low pitch while speaking at a steady, deliberate pace, you’ll be able to show that strong confidence women find attractive.

What women want in a man
While women don’t care whether or not you are naturally ‘good-looking’, they do care about the way you present yourself to the world. And while men tend to overlook aesthetic details, these things play a major role in creating attraction with women.

So if you want to impress a woman with your appearance, take time and show you care about the way you present yourself to the world. Make sure you’re well groomed – trim your fingernails, get that hair under control, and wear clean, wrinkle-free clothing that fits. Show that you’re a guy who takes care of himself and has his life put together and you will become more attractive to women. (For more on how to attract women with you appearance check out the our interview with Aaron Marino)

[xyz-ihs snippet=”Accelerator-General”]

How to pass a woman’s test
Women will actively test a man to see if he has the confidence and integrity that women want in a man. By testing, she can see if a guy is for real – or if he’s a low-value guy just hoping to impress her.

For example, let’s say you start a conversation with the girl by using a little banter, and she responds “that was the lamest thing I’ve ever heard”. Insecure guys who just want to impress women may be taken aback – and either slink away in shame or get mad and call her a bitch. The interaction will then end as these low-value guys have filtered themselves out.

To pass her test and show you’re the kind of high-value guy women find attractive, you’ve got to show that you were never seeking her approval in the first place. The way to do this is to simply acknowledge her comment but keep the conversation with the girl moving forward. Perhaps throw out more banter (“you know, you never did get my sense of humor, I don’t think this marriage is working. We need a divorce”) or just move on completely (“yeah, it was kind of lame… So anyway, what do you think of the band that’s playing?)

(For more on how to be the high-value man women chase after, check out the Value episodes of the Art of Charm toolbox.)

How women communicate: Building rapport with women
When communicating, men tend to be more logical and data-minded while women are more emotional. Ask a guy “what did you do today” and he’ll list the things he did. To us, that’s bonding.

To women, listing off facts like that does not create any connection – and can often be quite boring. What’s more interesting to her is the experience and emotions attached to what she did. So if you want to build rapport with a woman, ask questions that drive at that emotional content.

For instance, instead of asking a girl what she did today, ask “so what fun stuff have you been up to lately?” By sharing her positive emotional experiences, she will feel a stronger connection with you.

How men and women view sex
As a general way of thinking men tend to be more goal-oriented while women tend to be relationship-oriented. This difference in how women think vs. how men think can be seen in how men and women view sex.

When it comes to sex men tend to focus on achieving the outcome – the orgasm (whether it’s getting one or giving one). While that can be true for women, often they are more invested in the experience as a whole and the connection that’s created and strengthened through sex. If a guy is too focused on the climax, he isn’t really present enough to make that connection with the woman and the sex won’t be as good for her as it could be.

So men who want to satisfy a woman in bed may want to focus less on the need to achieve a particular outcome during sex and instead focus more on enjoying the experience itself. Stay in the moment and focus more on how you feel, how she feels, and building on that amazing feeling. Let the orgasm come more as an inevitable by-product as opposed to being the sole purpose of the encounter. (For more on how to improve your sex life and satisfy women in the bedroom, check out the our interview with Emily Morse.)

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

Email


in Art of Dating, Building A Connection