5 Ways to Know What She’s Thinking Without Speaking

Understand the meaning of body language and you’ll know how a girl feels about you before she even opens her mouth.  You’ll be able to tell how much a girl likes you and how comfortable she is with you simply by observing subtle movements in areas such as her hands, feet, arms, and even torso.  To help you identify the body language meanings in these areas, here are five things to look out for:

  • Pacifying Behaviors

When a person feels anxiety, tension, or discomfort they’ll often adopt pacifying behaviors.  These are soothing movements and gestures done (often subconsciously) to relieve tension and make the person feel comfortable.  Common pacifying behaviors you may see include a woman rubbing the palms of her hands together, stroking her neck, running fingers through her hair, or toying with a piece of jewelry.  These movements can be done briefly to release a small burst of tension, or prolonged if she feels a lasting sense of anxiety and discomfort.

The thing to remember about pacifying behaviors is they’re not necessarily good or bad.  For example, a woman stroking her hair may feel uncomfortable because she’s creeped out.  Or, that discomfort may be due to her desire to make a good impression.  Tips on how to figure out situations like this are discussed in section 5.

  • Barriers

A good thing to look out for when deciphering body language meaning is the use of barriers.  Something as small as a woman crossing her arms, or moving a drink from her side to across her chest, can be an example of her putting up a barrier.  When a woman puts a barrier between you it’s often a signal that she’s not quite comfortable or doesn’t trust you just yet.

The nice thing about barriers is they go both ways.  As you get to know a girl you may notice she removes the barrier by uncrossing her arms or bringing that drink back down to her side.  The body language meaning behind this movement is that she’s become more comfortable talking to you.  She feels she can trust you more and is ready to create a deeper connection.

  • The torso

When trying to decode body language meaning a great place to look is the torso.  If a girl turns so her entire torso is facing you then she’s telling you that you have her full attention.  We don’t usually give our full attention to things and people we don’t like, so her torso facing you fully is a great sign the girl is interested in you.

Like barriers the changes in how a girl positions her torso can tell you exactly how a conversation is going.  If she goes from facing you fully to turning her torso away (so she’s talking to you over her shoulder) it’s a sign you’ve lost a bit of her attention and interest.  (In moments like this it’s often a good idea to switch up the topic of conversation).  If however she turns her torso toward you when before it was facing away, it’s a sign that you or something you said has piqued her interest.  She’s become more invested in you and it’s a good time to continue whatever topic of conversation you were on.

  • Feet

One of the most accurate places to gauge the meaning of a woman’s body language is her feet.  People never think to “lie with their feet” so the feet are almost always going to give honest insight into how the woman truly feels.

One way to pick up on body language meaning through a girl’s feet is to see where her feet are pointed.  If both feet are pointed towards you it’s a great sign she’s fully invested in you and the conversation.  If one or both of her feet are pointed away, it may be a sign she’s looking to go somewhere else.

Interestingly enough when a person’s foot is pointed away it’s often pointed in the direction that person wants to go.  So if you’re talking to a girl at a bar and she’s got one foot pointed toward the door it’s likely a sign that she’s thinking about leaving.  But if she’s got a foot pointed towards the dance floor, then she’s probably itching to start dancing.  A situation like that is a great time to “read her mind” and invite her out to the dance floor with you.

  • Avoid getting fooled

The body language meanings described above can be helpful for figuring out how a girl feels around you.  But there’s more to reading body language than looking for specific movements.  To make sure you’re reading her body language accurately, keep these three things in mind:

First, before you start picking up on cues get a feel for the woman’s “baseline” body language.  For some women sitting with their arms crossed may be their “default” position.  If that’s the case, this “signal” wouldn’t actually mean much of anything.  So to make sure you don’t get fooled get a read on the woman’s typical body language.  Once you get her “baseline” down, the way she deviates from her normal body language is what will give you that glimpse into her emotional state.

Second, always take environment and context into account.  If it’s cold where you are, then that may be the reason she’s sitting with her arms crossed.  Before rushing to conclusions about her body language meaning, make sure there aren’t any outside factors that are causes her movements.

Finally, instead of just looking for one body language sign, be on the lookout for “clusters”.  Seeing just one sign of comfort and interest for example may not mean much.  But once you start seeing 3-4 of these subtle signs together then you’ll know you’re on to something.

The importance of body language goes way beyond understanding how a woman feels.  For example, did you know you can actually use your own body language to become more attractive to women?  To learn more check out this article on attracting women with body language.  Then, listen to the toolbox episode on how to use body language to meet women (available here).

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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