Do you struggle with knowing what to text a girl after the first date? You’re not alone. In fact, when guys show up in Los Angeles for our boot camps, it’s one of the most common questions we get: What do I text a girl after a first date? But guess what: You’ve got it a lot easier than our brothers, fathers, and grandfathers had it.
For one thing, you can text. This is a much smaller emotional investment than making a phone call. What’s more, if phone minute usage versus text message volume is any indication, most people prefer texting to getting a phone call. It might be because while a phone call requires all your attention right then and there, texting allows a person to get back when they have time and when they feel like it. That’s gold for getting to know someone.
Because texting is such a low-pressure, low-risk way of contacting someone, I generally encourage men to text right away. This can be right after you get her number or right after your first date. We have two great resources that’ll take you to the next level in that department.
But for now, we want to laser in on what to text a girl after your first date.
Truth told, most of what you’re going to text after a first date is a little cookie cutter. There’s not going to be a ton of variation, though you can certainly put your own individual spin on things. Rather than giving you canned lines, we’re going to provide you with what you’re trying to communicate. You can then find your own way of putting it.
Ask if she got home safely
It’s an old tradition, but it holds up nicely. Check-in and see that she got home all right (modern-day chivalry, guys!) and to say goodnight. Sending her a quick text when you get home and get settled is the perfect way to cap an evening. The two of you might even get into a little phone flirting before you hit the hay.
You can also ask her to hit you up when she makes it home. By doing that, you’re showing that you care while opening the door to further conversation. You’re explicitly inviting her to text you back when she gets a second. This is a quick way to gauge interest (if a girl isn’t interested, she’s likely to just stop texting you), but it also gives her permission to start talking to you. This can be powerful and, as I said above, can open the door to a late-night flirtatious texting session between the two of you. You want to keep the fun going when texting a girl after a first date.
Tell her you had a great time
Want in on a little secret? For the most part, women are as nervous about a first date as you are. They want to know that it went well. No matter how good of a time you were having, it’s still good to hear the other person tell you they had a great time when you were out together. So let her know that you had fun with her (unless you didn’t, which we’ll get to later!).
Call back to a fun moment you shared
Now is the time when you explicitly call back to a high point on the date. This should be something lighthearted and fun. For example, if you were out hiking and saw some guy randomly flipping out on the trail, then had a laugh about it, that’s an ideal moment to call back to by text. Or if the two of you were riding roller coasters and she made some bizarre scream and the two of you laughed about that, make another lighthearted joke about it.
What we’re trying to do here is return her to the frame of mind she was in when the two of you were having a good time. This is key to texting girls after a first date. You want to subtly remind her that she had a great time too. Even if she knows it, explicitly reminding her of a particularly fun time on the date is going to get her remembering that moment specifically. That memory is going to solidify any positive impressions she already made about you.
Tell her you want to get together again
This is how you should end things: Let her know that you want to get together again. Suggest a time and a place. There is no better way to let her know that you actually had a good time, that you’re actually into her and that you actually want to see her again than by putting that out there. Something like “Let’s grab happy hour drinks this Friday after you get out of work” is all you need to do to express interest, solidify the connection and open the door for your second date. Don’t be overly specific or pushy — only candid and open. It will never cease to amaze me how many guys complain about not getting second dates that they never asked for.
At the same time, it’s important, to be honest when texting girls after a first date. This includes letting her know if things didn’t go super well, that you’re not interested in dating her, that you wish her the best of luck. There’s a classy and mature way to let someone down. So what happens after you get home when things don’t go all that well?
What to Text a Girl When Things Didn’t Work Out
Start by being honest — with yourself, then with her. There’s no reason to tell her that things went well when they didn’t. You’re not sparing her feelings. You’re just leading her on. And one thing that I’ve noticed through years of coaching guys is that when a date doesn’t go well, it’s usually a mutual lack of interest that caused it. So think of it less like you’re breaking the bad news to her and more like you’re letting her off the hook.
Even though you’re being honest, you still want to be tactful and gentlemanly. So how do you level with her while still being able to look at yourself in the mirror?
- Be direct: Don’t beat around the bush. Get right to the point.
- Be truthful: Don’t make up reasons that you weren’t into the date.
- Be general: You don’t have to get into a blow by blow about why you didn’t like the date. Speak in general, kind terms.
- Be firm: Don’t let her guilt you about how you’re feeling or pressure you into a second date. It’s only prolonging the inevitable.
- Be thankful: Thank her for her time and wish her luck in the future.
- Be polite even when she’s not: No one likes being rejected. Some people, male or female, react to rejection by getting nasty. Take the high road. There’s no need to engage someone else’s negativity.
- Keep it short. In the early stages of a relationship, you don’t owe anyone a longer exchange than necessary.
All told, it’s best to be on good terms with people — even new ones. You can never have too many contacts, and you’ll be surprised at how small the world is. And while you might not want to go on a date with her in the future, you could invite her to your next party for that friend of yours she’s just perfect for. You never know when she might return the favor and introduce you to her friend who just so happens to be the woman of your dreams.
Texting After a First Date Sets You Apart
Mainly because there’s no easier time to hit her up. The two of you have just been out having a great time together. You’re both thinking about each other. Doesn’t a quick text naturally follow?
It also cuts through all the playing-hard-to-get shenanigans that most of us have learned after years of dating. We’re not supposed to appear too eager. We’re not supposed to care. But if a girl likes you — and even if she’s on the fence — your excitement and confidence will move her. It’ll also set you apart from the rest of the guys.
So break that pattern. Be the guy who texts her. In conjunction with our texting principles, you’ll find yourself making deeper connections, having more fun, and developing quality texts after your first dates!