How to Talk to Women at Work

Designer working on her computerYou’re at work and it’s a hard day. Only 2:30 and you’ve been ready to go home since lunch. Here comes that hot blond that you work with. She smiles at you, you smile back. That’s as far as it goes because you don’t feel like you know how to talk to women at work. But why not? Who told you that meeting women at work was a bad idea? The Art of Charm firmly believes that work can be a great place to meet women and practice how to talk to women– but you have to do it the right way.

Know the Consequences

We don’t want to be Debbie Downers, but let’s be up front about what the consequences can be (not “will” be) when you date at work: If things go wrong, you have to see this person every day, get transferred or get a new job. If you’re in a supervisory position, you might be risking a lawsuit. However, meeting women at work isn’t a lot different from meeting women any other place that you go to a lot. Are you going to avoid meeting women at the supermarket or your favorite bar because you might run into her there if things go badly? Of course you’re not.

Don’t catastrophize. Put yourself out there and have a great time doing it.

Making Light of Work

Let’s face it, no matter how much you like your job, work can suck sometimes. One way to make it easier is to make light of it. Making light of work is a great way to safely flirt with a woman that you work with to gauge her interest. If she jokes around and flirts back, that can be a sign of interest on her part, especially if she starts initiating the joking around and you two start sharing “inside jokes.” When you do develop inside jokes, that can be a great jumping off point for bonding over shared experience and emotion.

Flirting by Pushing Away

When it comes to flirting at work, better safe than sorry. That said, once the two of you start establishing a solid rapport with one another, don’t be afraid to flirt a little with her by pushing away. For example, saying things like “You and I could never date, you’re too much trouble.” These are things that push her away, but also invite her to pull you back to her. This is how you get a girl to chase after you, even when the two of you work together.

How to Ask for the Date

When you two have established a rapport, it’s OK to ask her on a more explicit date date. Use a soft touch, but go right for it. Tell her that you were going to head out for a drink after work and that you’d love it if she joined you. Or maybe that you’re going to an art gallery this weekend and you think she’d make good company. The point is to ask her to do something with you that’s relevant to both of your shared interests.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1132 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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