How to Survive Your First Online Date

Online datingGearing up for your first online date?  To help you make that date a success (so you’re likely to get a second one), here are some tips to follow for having a great first online date.

Keep it simple
If you’re planning a first date with a girl you met online there’s no need for a major time or financial commitment.  After all neither of you want to get locked into an hour-and-a-half long dinner (which may cost you around $100) when it’s clear after just 5 minutes that there’s no chemistry.  So pick a date that’s cheap, easy, and won’t take more than 60-90 minutes.  Meet up for coffee, take a hike together, go for a stroll around a cool part of town, etc.  This will give you a chance to see if any chemistry exists before committing to something more involved.

Now if things go well initially you may want to have a back-up plan for how you can continue the date.  Find a fun activity in town (mini golf, bowling, live music) and see if she’s interested in going right then and there.  If you can do multiple things on your first date it’s going to create a feeling like you’ve known each other longer than you actually have.  Plus, mixing in an activity means you’re more likely to have fun together and avoid awkward tension.

Show up smiling
First online dates can cause a lot of anxiety for both men and women.  If you want to enjoy your time and help her do the same then you’ll want to ease that tension early.  So show up smiling, and walk with strong, confident body language as you roll up to meet her.

When you greet her start the conversation off with some light, content-free banter (compliments or playful teasing could work great here).  Keeping it fun and light early on will allow you both to feel more comfortable.  And that will make it easier for the two of you to connect as the date progresses.

Ask the right questions
Guys often get stuck asking dull questions during first online dates.  They’ll bounce from one question to the next (from “Where are you from?” to “What do you do?” to “Where did you go to school?”) as they gather “facts” about the woman’s life.

But merely spitting out facts makes for boring conversation.  So rather than jumping from one thread to another, dive deeper into each one.  After you ask her where she’s from, maybe ask what she thinks of her hometown, or what kind of things she did for fun growing up.  Questions like these go deeper into who she is as a person and will get her to open up on a deeper, more emotional level.  And sharing that emotion is going to get both of you feeling a strong connection to one another.

Show interest
Sometimes guys out on their first online date will try to “play it cool” and avoid showing any real interest.  But if she doesn’t think you’re interested or connected with her she very likely won’t see the point in getting together for a second date.

When showing interest on your first online date there are a few ways you can go about it.  For starters look to make warm, steady eye contact throughout the date.  From there you’ll want to mix in touch.   The trick with touch is to start light (for example, put your hand briefly on her shoulder as you lean in to talk to her) to get her comfortable with physical contact from you.  You can then touch her more and more and for longer periods of time, which will build the sexual tension to higher and higher levels.

Get your head right
What are you hoping to get out of this first online date?  A second date?  To make-out in the parking lot?  To bring her home?

If the purpose of this date is anything like the points mentioned above you could be setting yourself up for failure.  When guys go on a date hoping to get something from the girl (be it a kiss, sex, or whatever) they tend to wind up “in their head” stressing over what to do/say next.  The woman then feels that tension and inner turmoil, becomes uncomfortable, and wants nothing to do with the guy.

If you want to get rid of that stress and make it easier to relax and have a great time then stop worrying about getting a particular outcome from this first online date.  Instead just go out with the purpose of having fun.  Look to enjoy yourself first and foremost.  The more enjoyment you get out of the date the easier it’s going to be for her to relax and enjoy herself.  And that will make it far more likely you’ll wind up with that kiss, second date, or trip back to your place.

Don’t try and “get her to like you”
Finally, don’t forget that this girl you met online agreed to a first date because she’s already interested in you.  She wants this date to go well.  For most guys the job isn’t to “get the girl interested”.  It’s to simply get out of their own way so the interest and attraction the girl already feels can grow.

And nothing kills that interest and attraction like a guy who is trying to get a girl to like him.  So instead of worrying about that, focus instead on seeing if this is the right girl for you.  Don’t go into the date completely sold on her.  Give her a chance to win you over.  Being selective and actively filtering to see if she’s your type is going to help the girl see you as attractive and high-value.

More dating tips
For more dating tips that will help with your first online date and beyond, click here.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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One Comment on “How to Survive Your First Online Date”

  1. Pingback: 6 Things You Need To Know When Online Dating - Grapevine

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