Asking the right questions on a first date can determine whether you get a second date or not. And how you answer the questions that are thrown back at you can have just as great an impact. Below are 5 of the top reasons guys don’t get a second date, and how to avoid those mistakes by asking and answering the right questions.
1.) “We just didn’t connect”
You want to ask questions on a first date that stir up emotion. If you just ask questions that have a girl spitting out facts about her life, she won’t feel any connection to you. But if you can get her emotions engaged so that she’s sharing her feelings and her emotional world with you, she’ll have a chance to feel far more connected.
So rather than just asking basic first date questions like “What do you do for work?” and stopping there, take your questions to a deeper, emotional place. Ask what it is about her job that she loves. What drove her to take it in the first place? What kind of impact does she want to make on the world, and what kind of work would she do if she didn’t have to worry about money? Asking questions like this on a first date that get the girl emotionally engaged will help create a more solid connection. (For more examples of rapport-building questions click here)
And keep in mind that creating an emotional connection is a 2-way street. In addition to having her open up and share her emotional world, you will need to do the same. Let her know what you love about what you do, the kind of impact you wish to have, etc., and she will feel as if she really knows and understands you.
2.) “He just talked about himself the whole time…”
One complaint women often have after a date is that the guy just talked about himself the whole time. If you monopolize the conversation you run the risk of not only boring her, but making her feel like she never got the chance to speak up and be “heard”.
So it can be a good idea for a first date to ask questions that get her engaged anytime you find yourself dominating the conversation. For instance after going into a story about your own life, take a moment and ask if she has any similar or relatable experiences. Give her the chance to talk about herself and contribute more to the conversation. She’ll think more highly of you, and enjoy the date that much more.
3.) “He blew it”
One little mistake can be all it takes for a girl to lose interest completely. So if the date went well, you want to kiss her, and she’s standing there waiting for you to make a move, you have got to step up to the plate. If you walk away, or come off weak with a question like “Can I kiss you?” you can blow that opportunity, and you may not get another one.
In situations like this you want to be the confident man who can handle the tension, uncertainty, desire, and even the fear that you might feel. Don’t come off insecure by asking permission to kiss her, just lean in and start to go for it (but don’t go all the way, give her a chance to respond however she will).
If nothing else, express the fact that you want to kiss her as a statement, not a question. By owning your desire and saying something like “I so want to kiss you right now” you show you are the confident, secure man women want. (If you state your intent and she stays there holding your eye contact, you know it’s time to make your move.)
4.) “I’m so sick of dating “boys”…
It’s not just the first date questions you ask that matter, but how you answer those first date questions. A lot of guys will shape what they say to make their answers agree with whatever the woman thinks or believes. Rather than stating his own truth, he’ll give the answer he thinks she wants to hear.
Guys can often do this in very subtle ways. For example let’s say the girl asks if you are into country music. You say you hate it, but then she says she loves it. After hearing that you might start to backtrack, and suddenly remember the artists and songs that – come to think of it – are “not that bad”.
Switching sides like this is a complete turn-off for women as it shows a lack of integrity. Women want a man they can count on, a man who stands for something – not a man who changes his thoughts and opinions in order to appease women. So rather than agreeing with her, this would be a great time to playfully tease her for having what you consider poor taste in music.
5.) “He was too needy”
All this time we have been talking about first date questions you might ask the girl or the girl might ask you. But there is another form of first date questions that is just as important – the questions you ask yourself.
If you are going through a date and constantly asking yourself questions like “Does she like me?” “Does she think I’m funny?” “What should I say/do next to get her to like me?” then you are bound for disaster. All that worry, anxiety, and neediness is going to pour out through your body language, voice tone, and overall “vibe”.
So if you want to make sure you have a great fist date, start by getting rid of that need for her to like you. Don’t go into the date trying to “get” anything or needing a certain result. Just go with the sole intention of enjoying yourself, enjoying her company, and having a fun time. If your focus is on fun rather than seeking validation, you are both going to enjoy the date way more. And you will be far more likely to find yourself out on a second date.
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