When And How Soon You Should Ask For A Second Date?

The first date is over. Now you need to contact her if you want to have another date. We could wax philosophic about good second date ideas, but first, there’s still work to be done. And even if you don’t want to have another date, it’s worth manning up and letting her know. The short answer is that if the date went well, you should contact her as soon as you get home via text; And if it went poorly… sooner rather than later, but whenever the spirit moves you.

Of course, there’s a lot more to it than that. And we’re going to break it down.

Good Date: Why We Contact When We Get Home
When you have a good date, there’s no need to keep her waiting to let her know. You don’t have to call her. This means that even if you drop her off at 3 a.m., you can text her and it won’t disturb her beauty rest. Basically, we contact when we get home because right after you drop her off is too soon. You can wait until the morning if you want, but you have a seamless transition into that first text if you text her when you get home. Something as simple as “Hey, just made it home! Had a great time. Let’s do this again soon :-D” lets her know you didn’t die driving home, that you enjoyed yourself and that you want to see her again.

That’s really what you’re looking for when it comes to contact after the first date. Nothing too fancy. Just something simple.

When to Ask Her Out on the Next Date
Now comes the part where you have to ask her out again. When do you do that? Not in your first text, though you can let her know that you want to get together again sometime. However, formally asking her out on a date should wait until the two of you are chatting, flirting and bantering. Just like when you asked her out on a first date, you want to wait for a high point of the conversation and let her know that you want to do something again.

There are tons of good second date ideas, many of which you can find on this very blog, but the important thing is to plan something ahead of time. Don’t make vague references to “let’s hang out some time.” You want to be specific. Something like “let’s get together and hike a trail this weekend” or “let’s check out happy hour at a killer bar this weekend.” No matter what it is, have it be intentional.

But what if the date goes poorly?

Letting Her Down Like a Gentleman
Do you have to let her know you had a bad time? No. Especially if the date was a total disaster, there’s no reason to belabor the point by telling her point blank that you had a terrible time. However, if it seems like she was into you, but you weren’t that into her, you should probably let her know. How do you do that?

Basically, just send her a text. Tell her that you had a good time, but you just don’t think there was any chemistry there. There’s nothing wrong with that. It takes things off of her and puts it on an objective description. What’s more, it leaves no time to argue: It’s just a fact that you didn’t think there was any chemistry. It’s not a judgment about her, it’s a judgment about the date.

You wouldn’t want to waste any time on someone who just wasn’t interested and neither does she.

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