What to Say to a Woman You Like

One of the most common questions that we get asked at The Art of Charm is about what to say to women. There’s never the right thing to recommend every time. However, there are some pretty key principles, especially when approaching women for the first time. If you have approach anxiety — and want to smash it — read this article on how to approach women and what to say to women when you do.

What Most Men Get Wrong

Most men, when they approach a woman, start off by asking her all kinds of personal questions like “What are you doing here?,” “What do you do for work?,” “Do you come here often?” or even “What’s your name?”

This might even be you. If it is, that’s OK. You’re only making very simple, easily corrected mistakes.

The problem here is that you’re approaching her without providing any value and, worse, asking her questions about herself out of nowhere. Going out is an inherently stressful situation. You get things off on the wrong foot when you add to that stress by bombarding a woman with questions. So how do we start things out on the right foot?

The Right Way to Approach

Instead of the above, walk up to a girl and deliver a piece of light, playful and, above all, content-free banter. Smile big, let her know that you’re joking. Commit to the interaction by going with whatever happens. Allow for a bit of playful back and forth between the two of you.

Some examples of what to say to a woman you just met are:

    • “You have the perfect head for a giant purple mohawk.”
    • “You look like trouble. Do you have any bank robberies planned for the night?”
    • “Were you saving this seat for me?”
    • “I’m handsome…just wanted to let you know” 🙂 (high risk high reward)
    • My friends say I move too fast….will you marry me? Ooops I meant to say hi.”
    • “I would hold your hand and skip down the street so hard!”
    • “I’ve already married and divorced you in my mind. Thank you for all the great memories. You can keep the dog, I am keeping the house in Hawaii.”
    • Where are you from? Let me guess…(Made up place) Fraggle Rock, Narnia, Middle Earth”
    • “What do you do? Let me guess…you’re a Ninja, you look sneaky!” 
    • “Very important question…do you like tacos, margaritas, good music and great company?”

The point here isn’t to “wow” her with how clever you are. On the contrary, you’re just trying to open the door to further conversation between the two of you. In this respect, it’s a bit like a sales letter: The point of the first sentence is to get her to want to hear the second. The point of the second sentence is to get a couple of minutes of her time. Keep it simple and everything will go just fine.

Moving Forward From Banter

Once you’ve gotten her to laugh and smile a bit, you can move onto more serious “getting to know you” type of conversation, which is where most men open. Before you do that, give her a short compliment like “You seem pretty cool” or “You’re all right.” Then ask her an open-ended question like “What would you do with your life if money were no object?” or “Where are the places you’d most like to travel? or even “What do you like about what you do for work?

The point here is to start the conversational ball rolling by getting her to relax a bit and forget about how stressful socializing is. Only then do we express interest and start getting to know each other.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1162 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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in Approaching A Woman, Art of Dating