Look Out for These Red Flags When Dating Women

Sometimes guys get so concerned with making a good impression that they forget to look for red flags when dating.  Next thing they know they wind up stuck in a relationship with a girl who is nothing but trouble.  To make sure this doesn’t happen to you keep an eye out for the following red flags when dating.

It’s not her, it’s you

Some girls are under the impression they never do anything wrong.  Anytime a girl like this gets upset or has trouble in her relationship she’ll immediately start pointing the finger.  She’ll blame everyone around her for her problems and never accept any personal responsibility for what happens in her life.  When a girl acts this way and frequently play the “victim” card, watch out.  This lack of self-awareness means any relationship she gets into will be toxic and filled with drama.

Outrageous reactions

Women tend to be more emotional than men, but that doesn’t mean every emotional outburst is warranted.  Girls who regularly have explosive emotional reactions over things that are no big deal are showing they’re emotionally immature.  For example, a girl freaking out because the waiter brought her the wrong side dish is reacting disproportionately to the problem at hand.  Unless you want to deal with a girl who has major outbursts over tiny inconveniences, this kind of behavior is a definite red flag when dating.

Early signs of neediness

If a girl asks for exclusivity within the first couple of dates, then you may want to tread lightly.  While it may seem flattering to have a girl that interested in you the fact is a girl looking for immediate exclusivity probably isn’t all that into you.  What she’s actually interested in is the thought of having a boyfriend.  This kind of neediness and desperation is a terrible foundation for any relationship, so take it as a definite red flag when dating.

More signs of neediness

A girl asking you questions about your dating life is normal.  But some women take it too far.  You may find the girl barrages you with questions about your past relationships, or is always asking if you think other women are attractive.  A girl who constantly moves the topic of conversation in this direction is signaling insecurity and neediness.  And an insecure girl like this will constantly be seeking your validation and approval.  This will get real old, real quick.

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She’s not ready

Dating a girl who is fresh out of a serious relationship can be tricky.  She may say she’s moved on, but that doesn’t mean she has.  After all it takes time to get over a serious long-term relationship.  People have to rebuild and rediscover who they are as individuals.

If a girl got out of a serious relationship just a couple of weeks or a few short months ago, then she’s probably not ready for any kind of real relationship.  You don’t want to wind up as the replacement boyfriend who is just used to “fill the void” left by her ex.  So in these situations it’s often best to be patient.  Take things slow and give her the space she needs to feel whole again – whether she’s aware she needs it or not.

She values you

Sometimes a guy will get so wrapped up in a girl that he doesn’t even realize she’s walking all over him.  But to outsiders it’s clear that she doesn’t value or respect him at all.  Signs that show a girl doesn’t respect you include her showing up late or blowing you off on a regular basis, or yelling at you in public.

Anytime a girl starts being disrespectful it’s important to set boundaries and stand by them.  Let her know you’re not going to tolerate her being late and if it happens again you’re not going to wait.  Guys often avoid putting their foot down because they want to avoid conflict.  But the fact is women have more respect for guys who have boundaries.  They want a guy who will occasionally tell them “No”.  A man who has standards and sticks by them is a man women trust and respect.

What her friends say about her

A great area to look for red flags when dating is her friends.  Does she have close friends who have stood by her for a long time?  Or does she have a revolving door of friends who come and go every couple of months?  If she isn’t able to hang on to friends for very long then she’s probably not stable enough to have a boyfriend.  Keep this in mind and don’t expect things to get too serious with this type of girl.

Commitment issues

When you pay close attention to people you start to notice that how a person does one thing is how she does everything.  For example, if a girl is constantly bouncing around from one hobby to the next – picking up yoga for a week, then quitting to start running, then quitting that to take up swimming – then it’s clear the girl gets bored easy and has issues with commitment.  If she’s flying through activities like this then she’s probably flying through boyfriends as well.

Looking for patterns

While this list will help you be on the lookout for red flags when dating keep in mind that you’re looking for patterns, not just individual instances.  A girl who has an explosive emotional reaction to something that’s no big deal may just be having an abnormally rough day.  So be sure to take outside factors into account before rushing to any judgment.

More dating tips

Looking for red flags when dating will help you avoid potential disaster.  But if you want to have real success when dating then you must also know how put your best foot forward when out on a date.  For tips on how to charm women and have great dates, click here.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.


in Art of Dating, Dating Tips

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