It happens: The overwhelming majority of women that you date, you’ll break up with at some point. You want to do this in the most responsible fashion possible. How to break up with someone responsibly isn’t just about doing the right thing: You don’t want to acquire a reputation for being the type of guy who breaks up with women like a jerk.
Forget about “it’s not you, it’s me.” Be honest with her about your reasons for breaking up with her. Note that you don’t have to be painfully honest about it. No one wants to sit through a laundry list of reasons why they’re not the right one for you. Be broad without being vague, general without being evasive. Above all, be honest, but be tactful at the same time. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but you don’t want to mislead them about what went wrong, either.
Do It In Person
If you’ve just been super casually dating a girl and you’ve only been out together a couple times, this rule doesn’t really apply. But if you’ve been capital “D” Dating in any capacity, you need to break up with her in person. Public places aren’t always the best way to go about this. After all, who wants to be given bad news in front of a bunch of total strangers? The best place is a neutral location, but if that’s not possible, do it at her spot. Do not do it at yours, as you want you don’t want her hanging around after you two break up.
Stand Your Ground
Depending on the situation, your now ex might want to convince you to get back together with her. This is a bad idea for a lot of reasons. You’ve already made a decision. Going back on it will probably only make you unhappy in the long run and make you regret changing your mind. Stick to your guns. If she wants to argue with you about it, firmly but politely tell her that you’ve made your decision and that nothing is going to change your mind.
Let her talk, listen to what she has to say, but don’t betray your own feelings by caving in to hers.
Don’t Lead Her On
Don’t tell her that you’re going to continue to be friends if you don’t actually want to be. Don’t give her hope that the two of you might date again in the future if there isn’t any hope there. Again, this is part of being honest. There’s a temptation that many men have, when they’re considering how to break up with someone, to tell women what they want to hear when they break up with them to get them to stop being upset. In truth, this is just going to prolong and deepen any hurt that she might be feeling.
How to break up with someone in a responsible fashion can be difficult, but nothing worth doing is easy.