Don’t Use Quotes to Attract Girls: Why Pickup Lines Never Work

Memorizing pickup lines and quotes to attract girls is a colossal waste of time.  They rarely work and often cause more harm than good.  To learn why that is and what you do to attract women without having to memorize a bunch of lame pickup lines, read on.

 The problem with the pickup line mindset

One of the biggest problems with learning pickup lines is the attitude that goes a long with it.  The second a guy starts searching for pickup lines he’s essentially telling himself “I’m not good enough as I am to get women.  I need clever lines to get women to like me.”  If a guy thinks he’s not good enough for a woman it means he’ll always by searching for the right thing to say to a girl to get her interested.  With this attitude meeting and attracting women will always be an uphill battle.

To eliminate this belief and replace it with a belief that will make you more attractive to women (the belief that you’re already good enough) here’s what you can do:  Take time each day and write down your small wins – the things you did well and good things that happened to – and why these events mattered.  This exercise will help you see yourself in a more positive light and build up your confidence.  As a result, meeting and attracting women will become fun and easy.

 The problem with the best pickup line in the world

Even if you had the best pickup line in the world it wouldn’t necessarily do much.  Why?  Because all pickup lines and quotes to attract girls do is create a temporary spark of attraction with women.  You’ve got to be able to continue building attraction with women beyond that first line, or any interest she had is going to fade.

Rather than trying to knock her sox off with an amazing pickup line (only to have that attraction slowly fade away) focus instead on creating fun, enjoyable conversations with women.  This lets her interest build gradually and makes it more likely her attraction will last.

One way to do this in your conversations with women is start things off with some fun, playful banter.  One banter technique you could use early on is role play.  Simply give the two of you fun roles to play and together make up a story of what would happen for the two of you in that scenario.  For example, you could pretend as though you are a married couple headed towards divorce, saying something like “That’s it, this marriage isn’t working.  I’m calling my attorney – he’s going to clean you out…” (Just be sure to say these banter lines while smiling so she knows it’s all in good fun.)

The trouble with pickup routines

You may be thinking that if you just memorized enough quotes to attract girls – if you had a full set of pickup routines to use on women – then you could avoid the pitfall mentioned above.  But there’s yet another problem with using pickup routines.  When you attract a woman using pickup routines what you find is that the girl isn’t actually attracted to you, she’s attracted to your script.

Instead of using pickup routines to attract women to some constructed version of you, focus on getting women attracted to the real you.  How do you do this?  You can start by attracting women to your lifestyle.  Spend time doing the things you love with people who enrich your life.  Join meetup groups, take classes to learn new skills, take up a hobby in an area you’re passionate about, eat well, exercise.  Live a vibrant life that you love – a life that is complete outside of women – and women will want to be a part of it without you having to do or say anything out of the ordinary.

Why pickup lines fail

Yet another problem with learning quotes to attract girls is that this method often fails to attract women. That is, women want a guy who is congruent with what he says.  Using pickup lines and saying things you don’t mean in order to get women to like you is actually a great way to turn women off.

So throw away the pickup lines and instead focus on being open and up-front when meeting women.  When you see a girl you want to meet, just smile, say hi, and introduce yourself.  Women appreciate authenticity and being direct like this is a great way to show women confidence.

What matters more than pickup lines

Ultimately words are not even that important for meeting women and getting women interested in you.  What matters way more for attracting women is your body language and sub-communications.

If you have confident, high-value body language then the woman you meet are going to see you as a confident, high-value man.  To show that confident body language keep your head up, spine straight, shoulders back, and a smile on your face.

You can further show confidence with your body language by keeping your body language open.  Avoid folding your arms across your chest (or holding a drink across your chest) as that is a closed off, defensive posture.  Instead, let your arms swing freely by your side.  (For more on how to attract women with body language check out the Art of Charm toolbox episode on body language)

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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in Art of Dating, Building A Connection