The Cycle of a Healthy Relationship for Men

It’s a truth of romance: relationships have stages. This is true for both men and women. However, men and women probably experiences these stages differently from one another. What are the stages in a healthy relationship cycle for men? Obviously this is something that is going to vary from one relationship to another. With that said, here’s the basic breakdown on what to expect when you’re in a relationship.

Relationship Cycle Stage One: Sexual

You know how it is. When you first get together with someone, it’s a very intensely sexual relationship. You two can’t keep your hands off each other. At the same time, there’s a quality to this stage of the relationship cycle that’s maybe even a little obsessive, though not necessarily in a bad way. You think about her all the time and she probably thinks about you all the time. You can’t wait to see her again. You can’t wait for the two of you to get together again. Whether it’s a great night out together or a great night in together, your life is starting to revolve around seeing her. It’s a really fun and exciting period of any relationship. Enjoy it while you’re in it.

Relationship Cycle Stage Two: Attachment

Next you grow into a more attached phase of the relationship. This is where you still think about her a lot, but you start to think of her more in terms of where you guys could be going. You’re getting more comfortable, but a lot of that same fire and passion is still there. It’s just tempered with a growing and maturing relationship. It’s great to see her, but it’s less about the sexual than it is that you just can’t think of anyone that you’d rather spend time with. Sex is still good or even great, but it’s more settled like everything else in your relationship. This is also a great time. One where your friends might rib you a little bit or you might even feel a little dopey for being this into a girl.

Relationship Cycle Stage Three: Settling

A lot of guys think of this stage as the end, but it’s not. In fact, settling down can open up a whole new world to you in terms of your relationship. You can still have a lot of the excitement that you were having for. In fact, being committed to someone like this can make things better. The safety can open things up and give you permission to be more vulnerable in the sense that you open up to her and the two of you grow closer. You have to do it with the right person, but it’s really one of the best feelings in the world and one of the best uses of your time.

In fact, more often than not, the guys who come to us at The Art of Charm are looking to get into this kind of a relationship. The important thing is to enjoy every stop on the way — every part of the cycle.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1144 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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