Body Language Basics

On some level you probably know that body language matters when meeting and attracting women.  But you may not know why it matters, or the body language basics necessary for creating attraction.  To catch you up to speed here’s a brief rundown of the importance of body language along with a few tips on how to master the body language basics.

fotolia_26258342Confident body language

Assuming confident body language is the first step in mastering the body language basics.  When you have confident body language you’re not only going to appear more attractive to women, but you will begin to feel more confident as well.

The key to having strong, confident body language is showing you’re relaxed and comfortable, yet powerful at the same time. How do you do this?  You can start by keeping your spine erect (think as if a string is pulling you up from the base of your spine through the crown of your head) your head up, chest out, and shoulders rolled down and back.  Allow your arms to swing freely at your side and avoid stuffing your hands in your pocket (either let the thumb stick out, or hook just the thumb inside the pocket while keeping the other four fingers on the outside).  Take slightly longer strides as you walk and when you move, do so with purpose and intent.

(For a deeper look at confident body language – along with the other body language basics – check out the toolbox podcast on body language)

Remember to smile

In addition to coming across as confident with your body language you also want to come across as friendly.  That’s why another key element of body language basics is smiling.  Smiling lets people see that you’re a fun, friendly guy who enjoys his life.  Plus, when a woman sees you smiling it can get her smiling, too.  And if you can get her smiling and feeling good then she’s going to be that much more attracted to you.

The trick to smiling is that you’ve actually got to mean it.  A guy with a forced smile can rub a girl (and everyone else) the wrong way.  If you find you’re not in a smiling mood, rather than forcing it try this:  Take a few deep breaths and look for three things that you appreciate about yourself or the environment you’re in.  This will help boost your mood and get that smile to come up naturally.  As this happens keep in mind that a genuine smile comes not from your mouth – but from your eyes.  Let the muscles around your eyes pull your mouth back into a smile.  Allowing the smile to come from the muscles around the eyes is what makes the difference between a fake smile and a genuine smile.

Positive and negative body language

Body language isn’t just about showing confidence and friendliness.  It’s also about showing you’re interest in a woman.  Many guys mess up here, and unconsciously use their body language to show too much interest at the wrong times.  So yet another important part of the body language basics is learning to show the right amount of interest at the right times.

One of the most common mistakes guys make is showing a woman too much interest too early.  To avoid this you want to use a bit of negative body language when you first meet a woman.  Stand shoulder-to-shoulder rather than facing her directly.  This shows that you’re not too eager or too interested.

If a girl isn’t responsive – or starts treating you poorly – then you want to respond with negative body language.  Turn your body away from her and show her that she’s losing you.  Most guys don’t do this around attractive women.  They continue to show her positive body language regardless of how the girl reacts to them.  By showing negative body language in these situations you show you are a guy with standards who is not going to suck up to her just because she’s hot.  When she sees you’re different from all those other guys –that you have more self-respect, higher standards, and won’t put up with her crap – she may just turn around and start chasing you.

Body language of attraction

After a girl has proven that she’s more than just a pretty face – and that she’s a cool girl who you are interested in – let her see it.  Make more eye contact as you speak with her.  Face her completely so your face, chest, and feet all point in her direction.  Touch her more and get her comfortable with physical contact from you while showing her that your interest goes beyond talking.

The trick here is to show that you’re interested in her yet are not dependent on any outcome.  If you can enjoy being with her and flirting with her without needing her to like you (or respond a certain way) then you’re going to come across as incredibly confident and be much more attractive.  As a result she’ll be more likely to respond positively to you.

Eye contact

An article on body language basics wouldn’t be complete without a brief mention of eye contact.  Eye contact is great for showing confidence, friendliness, and interest while simultaneously creating attraction and connection with a woman.

You can project friendliness and make women feel comfortable talking with you by keeping a soft, relaxed gaze when making eye contact.  You can then show interest and confidence simply by keeping that eye contact strong and steady.  As an example, you wouldn’t want to dart your eyes away when a woman “catches” you looking at her.  Instead, hold her gaze.  This is key in creating attraction as it opens the door for connection.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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in Art of Dating, Flirting And Attraction

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