For a lot of people, the word “networking” brings up name tags, forced small talk and the uneasy feeling of being sold to. No wonder so many capable people avoid it.
If that unease keeps you away entirely, networking when you dislike the usual approach starts with smaller, more purposeful interactions.
But the strongest networks aren’t built by working a room. They’re built by being useful to people over time, so that when an opportunity comes up, your name is already in the conversation.
Curious how you come across when you meet someone new? The Influence Index is 15 questions that score how you read the signals, read the room, choose the moment, make it clear and follow through. Take the Influence Index quiz.
1. Stop keeping score
In episode #781 of The Art of Charm, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak took aim at the transactional mindset: sizing people up by what you can get from them, and writing them off when the answer is “nothing right now.” Their discussion starts here.
The problem isn’t only that it feels gross. It doesn’t work. People can sense when they’re being evaluated as a means to an end, and they pull back.
Instead, look for ways to give. Value doesn’t have to be a big favor. It can be an introduction, a useful article, a thoughtful comment on something they shared or simply genuine appreciation. Over time, that generosity is what people remember.
2. Know the difference between your network and your social circle
Your social circle is the small group of people you’re close to. You spend time together and you probably share a lot of life experiences.
Your network works differently. As the hosts put it, you want it spread out, with people from different disciplines and backgrounds. Those looser connections often know about opportunities your close friends never hear about, because they move in different worlds.
So when you meet someone outside your field, don’t dismiss the connection as irrelevant. It may be the most valuable kind.
3. Build it before you need it
One of the most common networking mistakes is waiting until you’re job hunting, launching something or stuck. Reaching out only when you need help puts pressure on the relationship from the start.
The hosts suggested a lighter, steadier habit: spend a few minutes a day keeping in touch, often by responding to what people in your network are posting. It isn’t about scrolling for hours. It’s about small, regular check-ins that keep relationships warm.
The same skill of building real connections matters outside work too, and the X-Factor Accelerator trains it on the relationship and social side.
4. Treat everywhere as a networking opportunity
Networking isn’t limited to conferences and mixers. In episode #781, AJ and Johnny shared how a conversation with someone they met in their apartment building’s elevator turned into one of the early corporate opportunities for their company. Hear the story.
That doesn’t mean pitching strangers in elevators. It means being open, curious and ready to explain what you do when a conversation naturally turns that way.
5. Prepare for events, but don’t over-script
In episode #782, the hosts recommended doing some homework before an event: look up the speakers, check out a few attendees online and make a short list of people you’d like to meet. Their event prep advice starts here.
They also warned against overdoing it. If you research someone so thoroughly that you script the whole conversation in your head, you’ll stop listening to the real one.
Two more prep points from the episode:
- Check your own online presence. People will look you up after a good conversation. Make sure what they find fits the direction you’re heading.
- Think about your first impression. Body language and how you dress register before you say a word. Wear something you feel good in.
6. Position yourself where conversations happen
At the event, avoid the corners and the front rows where everyone faces the stage. Find the high-traffic areas, like the coffee station, the food line and the hallway between sessions, where people are relaxed and open to talking.
Keep your phone in your pocket. Looking at a screen signals that you don’t want to be interrupted.
7. Have a simple, shareable way to explain what you do
You don’t need a slick elevator pitch. The hosts suggested a simple structure:
- Who you help
- The benefit they get
- Where you’re trying to grow
Skip the industry jargon. The goal is for the other person to understand you well enough to repeat it. If they can tell a friend, “You should talk to this person, they help with X,” your pitch is working.
Ever leave an event with names and numbers but no real relationships? Conversation Radar is a 4-module training on 9 signal types that show when a connection is opening, flattening or asking for something different. Learn about Conversation Radar.
8. Follow up like you mean it
This is where most networking falls apart. Two people promise to stay in touch, and neither does.
The hosts shared a habit that helps: start writing your follow-up note on your phone at the event, while the conversation is fresh. Begin with how you can help the other person, whether that’s a piece of information, an introduction or a link to something you discussed.
When you do need to make a request, keep it short. Their rule of thumb was three sentences:
- The value you can add to their life
- Your request
- A clear, easy call to action, like a coffee or a short video call
Busy people skim. A long, vague message about “picking your brain” is easy to ignore. A brief, specific note is easy to say yes to.
9. Stay visible between conversations
Not every connection needs a request. Sometimes you just connect on LinkedIn or another platform and stay visible. Sharing what you’re working on and what you’re learning helps people remember what you’re about, so they think of you when something relevant comes up.
For the online side, read how to network on LinkedIn.
10. Bring people together
The hosts’ last tip was to become a connector. Organize a morning hike, a dinner or a game night and invite people who would benefit from meeting each other. Encourage them to bring a friend.
When you bring people together, you’re adding value to everyone in the room, and your network grows as a natural side effect.
The habits of people who do this well are in our guide to becoming a master networker.
Networking mistakes to avoid
- Collecting contacts instead of building relationships. A stack of business cards is worth little without follow-up.
- Only chasing the most important person in the room. The hosts pointed out that people reaching out to you today may be tomorrow’s successes. Be generous with them.
- Leading with a pitch. Ask questions and listen first.
- Disappearing after the event. One thoughtful follow-up puts you ahead of most people.
Common questions
How do I start networking if I don’t know anyone?
Start with people you already know: former colleagues, classmates and friends of friends. Show up consistently to a few events or groups in your field and focus on giving value.
What should I say at a networking event?
Ask what brought them there and what they’re working on. Listen for ways you can help. When asked about yourself, explain who you help, the benefit and where you’re growing, in plain language.
How soon should I follow up after meeting someone?
Within a few days, while the conversation is fresh. Reference something specific you discussed and lead with something useful.
Is online networking as good as in person?
They work best together. Online tools help you prepare for events, follow up and stay visible. In-person conversations build trust faster.
Relationships compound
Networking isn’t a numbers game. It’s a habit of being generous, curious and consistent with the people around you.
If you’ve built a strong reputation for your work but your network hasn’t kept up, or you’re rebuilding it from scratch, that’s a fixable gap.
![The Art of Networking Pt.1 - Art of Charm Ep. #781 [Toolbox]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi_webp/loSSa87Hnlg/hqdefault.webp)
![The Art of Networking Pt. 2 - Art of Charm Ep. #782 [Toolbox]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi_webp/NEZ1Yt9uUEk/hqdefault.webp)