To connect with successful people, go where they already are, show specific interest in their work, and give something useful before you ask for anything. Keep your first ask small, such as one short question. Then follow up with an update so they remember you. Repeated, low pressure contact builds the relationship, not one big pitch.
Want a baseline? The Influence Index is a 15-question quiz that scores five skills: reading the signals, reading the room, choosing the moment, making it clear and following through. Take the Influence Index quiz.
How do you meet successful people?
Stop waiting to bump into them. Go to the places where they already spend their attention, and show up as someone who belongs there.
| Where | Why it works | Your first move |
|---|
| Targeted events | Everyone is there for the same topic, so talking is natural | Pick a talk or panel, then speak to a speaker with one specific question |
| Their content | A post, podcast, or book gives you a real reason to write | Reply with a useful point or a question about one detail |
| Mutual introductions | A warm intro carries trust you have not earned yet | Ask a friend who knows them, and make it easy to say yes |
| Volunteering | You work beside people and prove you are reliable | Take a real task at an event or organization they support |
| Small communities | Fewer people compete for their attention | Join a group, be helpful for weeks, then reach out |
Staying home has a cost. If you only network when it is convenient, you meet the same people at the same level, and nothing changes.
Pick one place from the table this week. Small rooms and repeated contact beat big rooms and one-time handshakes.
How do you connect with someone genuinely?
Genuine connection starts with seeing a person, not a rung on a ladder. If you walk up thinking about what they can do for you, they will feel it. People with influence get approached all day by people who want something.
So lead with specific curiosity. “I love your work” gives them nothing to respond to. Do a little homework, then ask about one detail you actually wondered about.
- “You moved from sales into operations. What made you take that risk?”
- “In your talk you said hiring slowly saved you. What did a bad hire teach you?”
- “I noticed you changed your pricing model. Was that hard to decide?”
These questions show you paid attention, and they invite a story. Then listen. Ask a follow up based on what they said, not on what you planned to say next.
When men I coach meet someone senior, nerves push them to talk about themselves or to say nothing. Neither builds a connection. If you want the wider habit, read our guide on how to become a master networker. If you are an introvert, this Art of Charm episode on the networking mindset and why introverts have the edge is worth your time.
From the podcast: “It’s very much a give and get situation, as opposed to a single transaction where you’re desperate and the other person is someone you are afraid to ask.”
Karen Wickre on The Art of Charm podcast, Karen Wickre (at 3:47)
What can you offer first, and what should you ask?
You may think you have nothing to offer someone ahead of you. That is rarely true. Value does not have to be big. It has to be specific and useful to them.
- Summarize their talk or post. Send three lines on what you took from it and one way you used it.
- Make a useful introduction. Connect them with someone who solves a problem they mentioned.
- Fix a small problem. Point out a broken link, a typo, or a confusing step, and say how you would fix it.
- Share a relevant resource. One article or tool, with a line on why it fits their work.
Keep the offer light, with no ledger and no expectation.
Then make your ask small and easy to say yes to.
- Too big: “Can you mentor me?”
- Too vague: “Can I pick your brain?”
- Better: “Could I send you two questions by email? You can answer in a line.”
- Better: “Would you look at this one page plan and tell me the weakest part?”
A small ask respects their time and gives them a quick win. A person who helps once is more likely to help again.
Making small, clear requests is a skill you can practice when connecting with people more successful than you. Avoiding those requests leaves what you want unsaid. Practice real conversations with coaching in the X-Factor Accelerator: 90 days of guided practice.
What should you say in your messages?
Keep every message short enough to read in a few seconds. Change the details so it sounds like you, not a template.
“Hi Mark, I watched your talk on running small teams. Your point about writing down decisions changed how I run my weekly meetings. I have one question when you have a minute: how do you decide which decisions deserve a written record?”
Follow up
“Thanks for your reply last week. I tried the decision log with my team and it cut down on repeat arguments. Here is the short template I made, in case it is useful to you.”
Small ask
“I am writing a one page plan for a new service. Would you read it and tell me the weakest part? A single line is plenty, and no worries if you are busy.”
Notice the pattern. Each message names something specific, gives something back, and asks for little. Each one also makes it easy to say no without any awkwardness.
From the podcast: “Networking is more like farming than it is like hunting.”
Karen Wickre on The Art of Charm podcast, Karen Wickre (at 9:23)
What should you not do?
Most people get ignored for the same few reasons. Avoid them and you already stand out.
- Pitching in the first message. Nobody wants a sales pitch from a stranger.
- Asking to “pick your brain.” It is vague and it sounds like free work for them.
- Long asks. A request for an hour, a mentorship, or a job from someone you just met is too much.
- Long messages. If it needs scrolling, it will not be read.
- Flattery with no substance. Specific beats gushing every time.
- Chasing. One polite follow up is fine. Three is pressure.
- Treating the meeting like a transaction. People can tell when you are keeping score.
The cost of these mistakes is simple: you burn the one chance you had. For more, read about the networking mistakes that kill social capital.
How often should you follow up?
Most people meet someone impressive, feel good, and never contact them again. That is where almost every connection dies.
Use a simple rhythm:
- Within a day or two: a short thank you that names what you talked about.
- A few weeks later: an update on something you did with their advice.
- Every few months: a useful link, a congratulation on a win, or an introduction.
- When something real happens: news in their field, or a result from your own work that connects to what they told you.
Act on what they tell you. If they recommend a book, read it. If they give advice, try it and report back. That proves their time was not wasted and gives them a reason to care how things turn out.
Do not contact them just to stay on their radar. Reach out when you have something worth their time. For more on keeping contacts alive, see our piece on industry networking that opens doors.
What is a simple plan for the next month?
Connecting professionally has a plain name: networking. Here are the steps in order, built into four weeks.
Week one: research
- Pick two people whose work you honestly respect.
- Read or watch something they made, and write down one real question for each.
- Choose one event, community, or project where you can meet people like them.
Week two: reach out
- Send one of them a short, specific note using the first contact template.
- Offer something useful, or make one small ask.
Week three: respond and act
- If they reply, thank them and act on what they said.
- If they do not, let it go politely. Do not chase.
Week four: keep it going
- Send a brief update or a useful resource.
- Repeat the process with the second person.
If this feels awkward, good. It means you are doing something new, and each attempt makes the next one easier.
