“Why should we talk?” is a relevance check. The person is asking, politely or not, why a conversation with you is worth their time. The best answer links something they care about to something specific you can help with, in one or two sentences, and then stops.
Most people answer by describing themselves. The stronger move is to describe the other person’s situation and where you fit into it.
What is the Relevance Challenge?
The Relevance Challenge is one of the 13 tests in the Access Test, the framework developed by Art of Charm co-founder Johnny Dzubak. Its trigger phrase is “Why should we talk?” or one of its cousins: “What’s this about?”, “Why are you reaching out?” or “What did you have in mind?”
It shows up when you ask a busy person for time. It also shows up at events, in intro emails and on first calls. The words are short, but the question underneath is big: does this person understand my world, or are they about to spend my afternoon?
You get a few seconds to show that you do.
What is the person really testing?
They are not testing your résumé. They are testing three things, which line up with what the Access Test scores:
- Outcomes over activities. Do you talk about what could change for them, or about what you do all day? “I run workshops” is an activity. “Teams leave with a plan they can use Monday” is an outcome.
- Abundance over validation seeking. Do you sound like someone with options who is offering something useful, or someone who needs this meeting to feel worthwhile? Calm and specific reads as abundance. Eager and over-explaining reads as seeking.
- Strategic fit over self-promotion. Did you pick them for a reason? A real reason, tied to their work, shows fit. A generic line shows you are asking everyone.
Notice what is missing: a long story. People deciding about relevance want less, not more.
What does a weak answer look like next to a strong one?
Here are four common situations. The strong versions are The Art of Charm guidance in our own words, not scripts to recite.
| Situation | Weak response | Strong response | Why it works |
|---|
| A director asks why you want time | “I’d love to pick your brain and tell you about my background.” | “Your team just opened a second office. I’ve helped teams keep culture steady during that step, and I have one idea worth ten minutes.” | Starts with their situation and names one outcome. |
| Someone replies to your intro email | “I do a lot of things, including consulting, speaking and coaching.” | “I’m reaching out because your talk on onboarding matched a problem I’ve solved for similar teams.” | One reason, specific to them. |
| A potential client asks “what’s this about?” | “It’s complicated, but basically we have a great product.” | “You mentioned slow reporting last quarter. I think there’s a fast fix, and I’d like to check it with you.” | Connects to something they said. |
| A guest at an event asks why you came over | “I just wanted to network.” | “I liked your question in the panel and wanted to hear how you got there.” | Gives a real, flattering-but-true context. |
The pattern is the same in every row. The weak version centers you. The strong version centers them, and it is shorter.
What can I say in different settings?
Use these as shapes to adapt, not lines to memorize.
- Work event: “I saw your team is hiring for the platform group. I’ve worked on that migration, and I thought a short chat might save you a few headaches.”
- Client meeting: “I asked for this time because you said the rollout was stuck. I want to share one thing that has helped others, then hear what applies.”
- Cold email: “You posted about hiring for operations. I help small teams document their processes so new hires ramp faster. Would a fifteen-minute call be useful?”
- Social: “Someone said you know a lot about the local trail scene. I’m planning a route and would love your two cents over a coffee.”
Each line has the same bones: something about them, something you offer, a small ask.
Why does context matter so much?
Because context is the proof that you chose them. Oren Klaff, author of Pitch Anything, makes this point when he talks about getting meetings. As Oren Klaff put it on The Art of Charm podcast (The Art of the Pitch with Oren Klaff), “the elevator pitch is a little weird in the way it’s in all the old books. I would say today the way to get the meeting is certainly two things, context and winter is coming”.
You do not need his exact framing to use the idea. Before you reach out, find the one detail that shows why this person and why now.
Where can I see how these tests work together?
The Relevance Challenge is the third test in the Value group. If you want the full map, start with the 13 Access Tests. Two close neighbors are worth reading next:
If you want a refresher on reading how someone is responding to you, see how to read people.
Spot the hidden tests in your own conversations
The Access Test is a short video course, about 49 minutes, by Johnny Dzubak. It names 13 hidden tests in professional and social conversations, with the trigger phrase, what is being evaluated and a calibrated response for each. It gives you recognition, which is the first step. See how the Access Test works.
What are the most common mistakes?
- Starting with your history. Your background can come later. Lead with their situation.
- Answering with a menu. Listing five things you do tells them you are not sure which one matters.
- Being vague to sound flexible. “Happy to chat about anything” gives them nothing to say yes to.
- Over-apologizing. “Sorry to bother you” makes the ask feel bigger and your value smaller.
- Sending the same line to everyone. People can tell. One accurate detail beats ten polished sentences.
How can I practice this week?
- Day 1: Pick three people you would like to talk with. For each, write one sentence about something they care about right now.
- Day 2: Turn each sentence into a two-line answer: their situation, then one outcome you could help with.
- Day 3: Cut each answer by a third. If you can say it in one breath, it is ready.
- Day 4: Say one answer aloud to a friend and ask which word sounded most like you, not like a pitch.
- Day 5: Send one real message or make one real ask using the new answer.
- Weekend: Note which answers got a reply. That tells you which details carry weight.
Brant Pinvidic points to the same idea in the other direction: give the listener what they need to answer their own questions, such as why they should get involved at all. Your goal is to make “yes, let’s talk” an easy sentence to say.
What should I remember?
“Why should we talk?” is not an attack. It is a request for relevance. Start with them, name one outcome, keep it short, and let them reply. If you want to practice catching these moments live, explore the Access Test.
Frequently asked questions
What does "why should we talk?" really mean?
It usually means "what is in this for me, and why now?" The person is checking whether you understand their situation and whether the conversation will be worth the time, before they give you any.
How do I answer "why should we talk?" without sounding salesy?
Lead with their situation, not your offer. Say what you noticed about their work, name one outcome you could help with, and then ask whether it is worth ten minutes. Short and specific sounds confident, not pushy.
What if I do not know much about them yet?
Do a few minutes of homework before you reach out, or ask one good question first. A single accurate detail about their work shows relevance far better than a polished line that could be sent to anyone.
Is this the same as an elevator pitch?
Not quite. An elevator pitch describes you. A relevance answer connects you to them. The same facts can be used for both, but the relevance answer starts with what matters to the other person.
Should I answer in an email or in person?
The principle is the same. In an email, the first two sentences carry the answer. In person, give it in one breath and then let them respond. Either way, keep it short enough that they can repeat it.
What if they still say no?
Thank them and leave the door open. A no can mean wrong timing, not wrong fit. A clear answer lets them say so honestly, and a graceful exit keeps the relationship intact.
How is this different from "what can you do for us?"
"Why should we talk?" asks whether you are relevant at all. "What can you do for us?" asks for the specific value once relevance is accepted. They are neighbors in the Access Test, and a strong answer to the first sets up the second.
