AoC Toolbox | Rapport (Episode 415)

Rapport takes time, patience and vulnerability.

“You have to be interested to be interesting.” – Johnny Dzubak

The Cheat Sheet:

  • Why you have to be vulnerable to connect.
  • The three levels of rapport-building.
  • What is floodlighting?
  • How to build rapport if you’re shy or introverted.
  • Why making mistakes is the best way to learn.
  • And so much more…

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There are a few topics we’re constantly asked about at The Art of Charm and how to build rapport is one of them. AJ and Johnny, two of our head instructors, join us to share the ins and outs of building rapport.

On this toolbox episode of The Art of Charm you’ll find out the three levels of rapport, how to use each effectively and how to know if you’re building rapport with the right people.

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More About This Show:

As human beings we’re all wired for connection, support and community. But very often after college we find it hard to build deep and meaningful friendships and relationships. So what’s the secret to building rapport and developing the kinds of connections we really want?

One of most important things to remember is we have to be vulnerable to allow for a rapport to be built. And we must be patient and positive throughout the process. Know that eventually if you follow the three steps to building rapport the right people will come into your life and you will have the kind of social circle you want.

1. The first step to building rapport is light disclosure.
This is sharing an anecdote from your past, something about you that is embarrassing but light, playful and funny. This makes you relatable because we’ve all been embarrassed one time or another, and you’re also being vulnerable in disclosing that information.

Once you’ve shared and you can feel the other person is relating to you, then you can move on to the second level.

2. The second step of rapport-building is medium disclosure.
At this level you’re sharing your thoughts, beliefs, and ideas about yourself and about how you see the world. This could be your political leanings, your religious beliefs, things of that nature. Now you’re getting into deeper territory here and you are taking a greater risk in your sharing.

3. The third step to building rapport is heavy disclosure.
This is the most vulnerable sharing you can do: it’s about your dreams, your hopes, your fears and what you want most out of your life. And this is the scariest stuff to talk about because it is the biggest ammo that could be used against you. However this is also where the deepest connections are developed.

Now that you know the steps to take, how do you know who to share with and who to develop rapport with? Start with your current friends, the people who have already proven they deserve your trust and your vulnerability. And then give it time and be patient while you develop rapport in your relationships.

On this toolbox edition of The Art of Charm we also discuss how to know if your sharing is being accepted, and how to embrace others’ sharing. Check it out on today’s episode.

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Resources from this episode:

The Art of Charm on Twitter
Other AOC Toolbox episodes
The Art of Charm bootcamps

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-The Art of Charm Toolbox
-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast

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Jordan Harbinger - author of 930 posts on The Art of Charm

Jordan Harbinger has spent several years abroad in Europe and the developing world, including South America, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East, and speaks several languages. He has also worked for various governments and NGOs overseas, traveled through war zones, and been kidnapped -- twice. He’ll tell you the only reason he’s still alive and kicking is because of his ability to talk his way into (and out of) just about any type of situation. Here at The Art of Charm, Jordan shares that experience, and the system borne as a result, with students and clients.

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