In this Art of Charm podcast episode, Allan Pease explains why people form most of their opinion of you in the first four minutes, how handshakes and palm positions shape trust, and how confident gestures like the steeple can change how you feel.
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Key Takeaways
- People form most of their attitude toward someone in the first four minutes of meeting, which the episode puts at 80 percent, and elsewhere as up to 90 percent.
- The handshake is usually the first physical contact, and it leaves you with a feeling of rapport, intimidation, or the other person seeming willing to do anything you want, all before any rational evaluation happens.
- Whichever hand ends up slightly on top in a handshake signals who will be the boss for the rest of the day, so a straight, matched handshake is the way to create equality.
- In the palm position experiment, identical presentations were given with palms up, palms down, or a pointing finger, and the palms up speaker had up to 40 percent more retention than the palms down speaker and got the friendliest descriptions.
- Palms down is a tool for moments that need authority, such as giving directions during a fire alarm, while finger pointing makes listeners defensive and forgetful.
- The steeple gesture, fingertips lightly touching with a slight smile, signals confidence to others and can help you feel more confident when you are nervous.
- Body language works in both directions, so deliberately taking a posture can bring on the emotion that normally goes with it.
- The core principle is that if people do not buy you, they will not buy whatever goes with you, even a good idea.
Curious how people build this kind of presence in real conversations? See how the X Factor approach works.
Who is Allan Pease?
Allan Pease is the guest in this Art of Charm episode, which centers on his research into body language and first impressions. In the conversation he explains that people decide most of their attitude toward a new acquaintance within the first four minutes, and he walks through the nonverbal signals that drive that decision. He describes the history and meaning of the handshake, including the ancient Roman idea of having the upper hand, and he shares findings from an experiment in which speakers delivered identical presentations while changing only their palm position. He also demonstrates the steeple gesture as a way to build confidence and explains that posture can influence emotion as well as reflect it. His message throughout is practical: small, conscious changes in how you use your hands can change how others respond to you.
Episode Chapters
- The First Four Minutes
- Handshake Dominance and Upper Hand
- Creating Rapport With Equal Handshakes
- The Palm Position Experiment
- Choosing Palms Up or Down
- The Steeple Gesture for Confidence
- Why Body Language Beats Words
- Reading Others and Palms Up Leadership
- Applying This in Real Situations
How quickly do people form an opinion of you?
According to Allan Pease's research as discussed in the episode, people decide about 80 percent of their attitude toward someone in the first four minutes. The first thing that usually happens in that window is a handshake.
The episode opens with a claim that reframes every first meeting: within the first four minutes, you have already settled most of your attitude toward the person in front of you. Not hours, not days. Four minutes. During that short window you are unconsciously deciding whether you will give someone a fair hearing or reject them, whether you will trust them or stay guarded, and whether you will help them succeed or let them fail.
A later line in the episode puts the figure as high as 90 percent, so the exact percentage is less important than the message. Early impressions carry a great deal of weight, and they are formed fast. That is why the discussion keeps returning to the physical signals that show up at the very start of an interaction.
The first of those signals is the handshake. As discussed, locking hands with someone tends to leave you with one of three feelings. It feels pretty good and you sense you will get on well. You feel intimidated. Or you feel as if the other person would do anything you want. None of these feelings comes from careful reasoning. They arrive at a gut level and bypass the rational mind.
The implications reach well beyond one greeting. Job interviews, sales calls, first dates and networking events all begin with these first moments of contact and nonverbal communication. If that early read goes badly, you are fighting uphill from the start, which is why the episode treats the opening minutes as the place to focus your effort.
What does a handshake say about who is in charge?
The hand that ends up slightly on top signals dominance, as if to say I will be the boss for the rest of the day. The episode links this to the ancient Roman origin of the expression having the upper hand.
The episode traces the handshake back to ancient Rome, where leaders would clasp hands and the one with the stronger arm would force the other's hand down. When that happened, people said he had the upper hand. That phrase is described as an ancient Roman expression, and it carried real consequences: the side with the upper hand got first pick of the wining, the dining and the dancing, while the other side had to wait.
The same dynamic still plays out in modern handshakes. Whoever's hand ends up slightly on top is unconsciously claiming dominance. It does not need to be dramatic. A subtle positioning is enough for the brain to read it as a statement that this person will be the boss for the rest of the day.
Both people feel the effect even though neither can usually explain why. The person on top feels in control, and the person underneath feels subtly dominated. Because this happens below conscious awareness, it can shape the tone of the entire interaction without anyone noticing that a status contest took place in the first second.
Understanding this gives you two options. You can notice when someone else is using the handshake to claim the upper hand, and you can make sure you are not doing it to others by accident. In a setting where you want cooperation, the goal is a greeting that leaves both people feeling equal.
How do you shake hands to build rapport?
Keep your hand absolutely straight and match the other person's pressure. If they come in too strong, add about 20 percent more pressure to level things back out.
The episode gives a simple recipe for a rapport building handshake. First, keep your hand absolutely straight, not angled up or down, so that neither palm ends up on top. A straight hand meets the other person's hand as an equal, which avoids both dominance and submission.
Second, match their pressure. If they give a handshake that feels like a seven out of ten, you give a seven back. The idea is mirroring: you are not trying to win the grip, you are trying to make the exchange feel balanced.
Third, if someone comes in too strong, add about 20 percent more pressure to level it back up. Rather than letting yourself be overpowered, you respond with enough pressure to restore equal footing.
When both people feel equal pressure and neither hand dominates, they both get the feeling that this feels pretty good. That sensation is described as the foundation for everything that follows.
Does palm position change how people remember your message?
Yes. In the experiment described, identical presentations were given with palms up, palms down, or a pointing finger. The palms up speaker had up to 40 percent more retention than the palms down speaker.
The episode explains why hands matter so much: they have more connections to the brain than any other body part, having evolved as a crucial part of how the brain interacts with the world. That is why palm position is such a strong signal in communication.
To test the effect, speakers gave identical presentations to three different audiences, changing only their palm position. The words were the same and the tone was the same. In one version the speaker used palms up, in another palms down, and in the third a pointing finger.
The palms up speaker had up to 40 percent more retention of the material than the palms down speaker, and received the best descriptions: laid back, friendly, humorous and engaging. Palms turned down brought words like authoritative, telling me what to do, and pushy. When the finger came out, nobody could remember much, and that speaker received the worst descriptions.
The takeaway is that a small physical change can alter both how much people remember and how they judge you. Palms up reads as a nonthreatening, cooperative signal. Palms down reads as dominance and giving orders. Finger pointing triggers defensiveness and reduces attention. Most people also have a default palm position they use without noticing, so the first step is paying attention to your own hands during the day.
When should you use palms up, palms down, or avoid pointing?
Use palms up when you want cooperation and buy in, palms down when you need to take authority quickly, and avoid finger pointing when you want people to remember what you say.
Once you understand palm psychology, you can choose a position on purpose. Palms up fits situations where you want cooperation, are asking for something, need to build rapport quickly, or are presenting ideas that might be controversial. It helps people feel comfortable and engaged.
Palms down has its place too. It suits moments when you need to take authority in a crisis, give important instructions, establish credibility quickly, or manage a chaotic situation. The example given in the episode is a fire alarm going off in the building. In that moment you would say here is what we are going to do and direct people to the exit with authority, because a soft palms up invitation would risk everyone doing their own thing.
Finger pointing is the position to avoid in most settings. It makes people defensive, reduces how much they remember, and creates negative impressions. If you want to be remembered, seen as approachable, or build longer relationships, keep the finger down.
The practical habit is awareness. Notice what your hands do when you are excited, frustrated, or passionate, and practice returning to palms up. Becoming aware of the default pattern is the starting point for changing it.
What is the steeple gesture and how does it build confidence?
The steeple gesture is touching your fingertips lightly together in front of you with a slight smile. It signals confidence to others and, when used on purpose, can help you feel more confident yourself.
Allan Pease demonstrates the steeple gesture in the episode: fingertips touching lightly in front of you, like a prayer position, paired with a slight smile. The word he uses for it is confidence. When you naturally feel that you know what you are talking about, that you are in charge and an expert, the gesture can appear unconsciously.
The more interesting point is that it works in reverse. If you use the steeple intentionally in situations where you feel tense or nervous, it does two things. It changes how you feel, because you begin to feel more confident and in charge. And it changes how others see you, because people get the impression that you know what you are talking about and have a confident attitude.
This is a practical version of acting confident until you feel it. The idea in the episode is that body language is not only an outward reflection of your emotions. It also shapes them. If you keep using confident gestures, you can gradually feel genuinely confident in situations that used to make you nervous.
It is a useful tool before a presentation, during an interview, or when explaining a complex idea. As with every technique in the conversation, the point is to bring something that normally happens unconsciously into conscious awareness so that you can use it deliberately.
Why does body language matter more than the idea itself?
Because people decide whether they are open to you before they weigh your message. If they do not buy you, they will not buy whatever goes with you, even a good idea.
A central principle in the episode is that nonverbal communication decides whether people are open to your message in the first place. If your body language makes someone feel threatened, intimidated or disconnected, they may reject even a brilliant idea. If it makes them feel comfortable and respected, they are much more receptive.
As the episode puts it, it is all about people first: does somebody buy you? If they do, particularly in the first four minutes while they are forming their opinion, there is a good chance they will buy whatever goes with you. This explains why some people seem to get lucky with opportunities while others with equally good ideas struggle. Much of the difference lies in the environment their body language creates.
The episode also stresses that body language is a two way street. Most people assume it only happens to them, with emotions showing up in posture and gestures. But if you intentionally take certain positions or postures, you start to feel the emotions that go with them, and the reverse is also true.
That gives you more control over your inner state than you might expect. Before a presentation, you can use the steeple and palms up positions. In a negotiation where you feel powerless, you can adjust your posture to take up more space and keep your palms down for key points. The key is intentional practice.
What can other people's palm positions tell you?
Palms up often signals a wish for cooperation, palms down signals asserted authority, and pointing suggests frustration or aggression. The episode also describes the palms up welcoming gesture as the Obama hug.
The same ideas help you read people. When someone uses palms up with you, they are likely seeking cooperation, trying to make you feel comfortable, and being genuine and nonthreatening. They may also need your help or approval.
Palms down suggests someone is asserting authority, feels confident about their position, and expects compliance rather than discussion. It can also show up when a person feels pressured or defensive. Finger pointing suggests aggression or frustration, an attempt to dominate the conversation, and a priority on being right over being effective.
Understanding these patterns helps you respond to the actual signal instead of reacting to how it makes you feel. If someone points at you, you can recognize that the conversation may be going off track and steer back toward a cooperative tone.
The episode also discusses leadership. Effective leaders often use palms up when building support, in what Allan Pease calls the Obama hug, a welcoming and inclusive gesture that draws people in rather than commanding them. He compares the feeling to being cuddled by a parent. Modern leadership often requires buy in rather than forced compliance, and palms up communication creates that collaborative dynamic. It feels like an invitation, which is why people are willing to follow it.
How do you use these body language tips in interviews and sales?
Match handshake pressure, keep palms up for most of your points, use the steeple when speaking about your strengths, and avoid pointing even when you feel passionate.
In job interviews, the guidance is to use palms up when explaining your ideas, match the interviewer's handshake pressure, use the steeple gesture when showing confidence about your abilities, and avoid pointing even when you feel strongly about a topic.
In sales presentations, keep palms up for most of the presentation and save palms down for emphasizing urgent action items. The steeple fits when presenting complex solutions, and watching your client's palm position can give you a sense of how comfortable they are.
At networking events, focus on creating rapport with equal handshakes, use palms up to show genuine interest in others, notice other people's palm positions to understand their communication style, and avoid coming across as aggressive or pushy through pointing.
In difficult conversations, start with palms up to reduce defensiveness, use palms down only when you need to establish clear boundaries, treat finger pointing as a sign the conversation is going off track, and return to palms up to rebuild connection. Across all these settings the theme is the same: small, conscious choices about your hands and posture shape how others feel around you.
Want to see what it looks like to walk into any room and own it? Find out how X Factor works.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Allan Pease?
Allan Pease is the guest on this Art of Charm podcast episode about body language. In the conversation he explains first impressions, handshakes, palm positions and the steeple gesture, along with how conscious use of posture can change both how others see you and how you feel.
What did Allan Pease say about body language on The Art of Charm podcast?
He explained that people decide most of their attitude toward someone in the first four minutes, and that handshakes and palm positions heavily influence that impression. Palms up improves recall and likability, palms down conveys authority, pointing makes people defensive, and the steeple gesture builds confidence. Body language also works both ways, shaping emotion as well as reflecting it.
How do you shake hands to build rapport?
The episode recommends keeping your hand absolutely straight, so neither palm ends up on top, and matching the other person's pressure. If their grip is too strong, add about 20 percent more pressure to level it back up. When neither hand dominates, both people tend to feel that the greeting went pretty well.
What palm position builds trust fastest?
Palms up is the best choice for trust and cooperation. In the experiment described, the palms up speaker had up to 40 percent more retention than the palms down speaker and was described as laid back, friendly, humorous and engaging. It reads as a nonthreatening signal, which makes listeners more open to your message.
Can changing your posture change how you feel?
Yes. The episode explains that body language runs in both directions. If you intentionally take a confident posture, such as the steeple gesture with a slight smile, you start to feel the emotions that go with it. Over time, repeated use can help you feel genuinely confident in situations that used to make you nervous.
When should you use palms down instead of palms up?
Use palms down when you need to take authority quickly, such as during a crisis, when giving important instructions, or when managing a chaotic situation. The example in the episode is a fire alarm, where you would direct people firmly to the exit. For most persuasion and relationship building, palms up works better.
More Episodes Like This
- The Art of Body Language (Episode 707)
- Vanessa Van Edwards | How to Read People Like a Book (Episode 281)
- Adam Nesrallah | What Spies Teach Us About Reading People (Episode 405)
- The Art of Charisma Toolbox (Episode #803)
