When we talk about qualifying, we are talking about showing some interest. Showing interest can be scary for people who are afraid of rejection. The cool thing about qualifying is that it’s done in a roundabout kind of way. By asking questions about your subject’s passions and personality, you are inadvertently showing a curiosity about the person you are speaking with. Depending on their answer, they could be showing you interest in return by obliging you with an answer.
You can tease the girls all you want. Fact is, most girls are too insecure to put themselves out there without knowing that you like them in return. Most guys are just as insecure and don’t put themselves out there either because of the risk of getting rejected. They want to protect their ego. Most successful people understand the role of failure and rejection; it’s part of their beliefs. They understand that there is no receiving without asking.
Successful people seem like they have everything that they want in life. The truth is they just go after what they want more than the average person and therefore have more to show for their effort. There are plenty of things they don’t have in their life that you just don’t see. They are not afraid to ask for what they want. Rejection is just part of their world. You win some and you lose some and in the end, going for what you want is always better than wondering ‘what if?’.
Showing interest doesn’t have to be such a big frightening jump. It’s not like you are walking up to a girl and handing her a note with the words “like” and “don’t like” and she has to check one right there in front of you. If you walk over and introduce yourself to her, get her to laugh and join in with some banter, you can assume that she has all ready taken at least a small interest in you. To ask her a more serious question at this point is not such a big deal compared to walking over to her, introducing yourself and proceeding to ask her personal questions such as, “So do you come here often?” Laughter loosens everybody up. It allows her to put her guard down.
There is no reason to hide your interest in someone. You are human after all. You can also take interest in someone without devoting your ever-lasting love to him or her.
The girl is mostly going to follow your lead if she likes you. If she feels at any point that she might be setting herself up for rejection, she will pull away. There have probably been a few times when you had a woman very interested in you in the beginning but you never pushed through to the next stage of the interaction. Don’t let this happen to you! The bravest will prevail in the singles arena. Are you kicking yourself yet?
All relationships have to start somewhere. Reciprocal liking is as powerful as any “Attraction Generator” and it’s real. Just because it’s simple does not mean it doesn’t work. Attraction is primal. Attraction is simple. Allow it to happen.
Johnny Dzubak - author of 63 posts on The Art of Charm
Johnny happened upon the field of Social Dynamics and dating coaching quite by accident. Having been a touring musician much of his life, he felt the need to contribute positively to the world and was interested in the power of personal transformation. Johnny began educating himself about Social Dynamics and incorporating the concepts he learned into his day-to-day life. Soon after, he began coaching for a small Social Dynamics company out of Washington, DC; it was then that he met AJ & Jordan.
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