What are Red Flags in a Relationship?

Chances are, if you’re reading this article it’s because you’re worried that there might be red flags in your relationship. And, if you’re worried about that, there’s at least some chance that there are some. For now, here are some things that might be red flags in your relationship.

A Lack of Responsibility

Are you with a woman who never makes mistakes? At least any that she’s willing to admit to? That’s a huge red flag. A person who can’t acknowledge the things they do wrong is a person who can never take any steps to correct that behavior. If you find that you’re never getting apologies or acknowledgement of wrong-doing from your girlfriend where you strongly feel that you are in the right, that might be something to consider a red flag.

Physical Violence

As strange as it might sound, a lot of guys look the other way when it comes to physical violence against them. This is never OK and if your girlfriend hits you, threatens to hit you, blocks you from leaving a room or anything else that would be construed as abusive if you were doing it to her, this is a serious red flag — a no brainer when answering what are the red flags in the relationship.

You Hate Each Other’s Friends

One thing that relationships are built on are common values, interests and shared passions; in short, shared lives. How are you ever going to truly share a life with someone if they hate your friends or you hate hers? It’s not that you have to have total interpenetration here. It’s OK if you don’t like some of her friends and you have friends that she can’t even fake liking. But when you’ve each got totally separate lives, walled off from one another that might be cause to consider if your relationship is built to last.

The Spark Is Gone

In any long-term relationship that initial infatuation always wears off. That’s OK. However, it becomes a problem when you make repeated attempts to keep things romantic and enjoyable and they just don’t work. A relationship should not be a chore, something that one or both of you are enduring for old time’s sake. This is a gut check: If you feel like things have petered out between the two of you, there’s a good chance they have.


Of course you know you shouldn’t be with a liar; But do you, deep down, feel like your partner is lying to you? That you’re being credulous about things that you really ought’n’t be? This is another “gut check” scenario; Do her explanations for things sound tenuous? Don’t be afraid to talk to a friend about this, especially a lady friend that you can trust, to evaluate whether or not you’re believing things that just aren’t true.

Hopefully, you’ll never have to encounter any of these issues in your relationship, but now you know the various answers to what are the red flags in a relationship — keep your eyes out.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1161 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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