Lessons from Ex-Girlfriends

It’s funny to think back to how much I owe the women in my life for making me the person I am today. Without some of the hard lessons I’ve learned, perhaps my career path would have been different.

Just recently, a friend had run into an old girlfriend of mine from when I was about 22 years old. She had asked what I was up to and he mentioned The Art of Charm to her. She was a bit shocked to hear what I was doing for a living. She laughed it off saying that when she met me that she had thought I was a very shy boy.

This got me thinking about the lessons I learned from her. It had me thinking about how every girlfriend had made me a better man. We often talk about leaving women better than we found them and we try our best no matter how hard that may be. But what about us? What has each relationship taught us about ourselves? What lessons have we learned and what pieces of the puzzle were a little more clear with each passing lover?

Certainly, we can learn a thing or two about sex. I definitely owe one special girl most of the credit for that one. She basically showed me what was what and took the time to allow me to go under the hood and really look at what was going on down there. The women who have had their nights rocked hanging with me should probably e-mail her a thank you note. Women’s bodies can be a little intimidating to a young man. Sure, they all have the same parts, but all women respond differently to different stimulation. I was not too sure about what I was doing, but she provided a road map and a general operations manual to world of all things va-jay-jay.

Communication and just an overall approach on how to act in a relationship can be a bit of trouble shooting itself. I remember the first time having to think in a “we” mentality and not thinking for just me. These are the small things that can really be a problem for the first time if you are not used to it. I remember telling my first real girlfriend I was going to see some movie and how excited I was to go, and she gave me the evil eye asking when I felt like including her in the scenario. I had no idea to even ask her. Man, I heard about that for at least a month.

I think the biggest lesson of all was seeing someone believe in me so much that I actually started to believe in myself. I think for most boys, we tend to start out pretending to be a badass at whatever it is we are excited about. For me, it was music and life itself. Having so many women invest their time and energy into me when I was still wet behind the ear says a lot of my acting abilities. If it wasn’t for the women handing me some large victories, I might not have ever been able to carry out anything. Just having someone believing in you so much, standing by your side can be enough for you to feel like you are invincible.

Think back on the lessons you have learned that made life easier for you. Who was the girl who showed you the way? Who made it easier for all the other woman in your life? Who will be the girl who straightens you out so that you will be able to have longer lasting and fulfilling relationships?

“To all the girls I once caressed
And may I say I’ve held the best
For helping me to grow
I owe a lot I know
To all the girls I’ve loved before” – Albert Hammond

Johnny Dzubak - author of 63 posts on The Art of Charm

Johnny happened upon the field of Social Dynamics and dating coaching quite by accident. Having been a touring musician much of his life, he felt the need to contribute positively to the world and was interested in the power of personal transformation. Johnny began educating himself about Social Dynamics and incorporating the concepts he learned into his day-to-day life. Soon after, he began coaching for a small Social Dynamics company out of Washington, DC; it was then that he met AJ & Jordan.

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in Art of Dating, Break-Ups & Divorce, Dating Tips