How to Stay Out of the Friend Zone

Everyone lands in the friend zone at one time or another. It’s a bad place to be and difficult to get out of. The thing to do is avoid getting there in the first place. You might be surprised to hear that staying out of the friend zone isn’t all that complicated.

Why Guys End Up in the Friend Zone

Before we get into how to stay out of the friend zone, let’s talk a bit about how guys end up there. “Friend zone” is short hand for a lack of sexual interest. This often happens because guys skip past what we call the “banter” stage — a stage of playful flirtation — into the “rapport” stage, a more intimate form of communication.

In the banter stage, your communication is playful, light, joking and flirtatious. You should have the attitude of a young boy or a playful puppy. Banter shouldn’t be taken too seriously. It’s just two people kidding around with each other.

The rapport stage is where things get more personal. This is where you start talking about where she grew up, what she does for a living and if she likes the bar. The problem with starting here is that it’s a more emotional, less playful form of communication. Thus, you come off more as a trusted friend than a potential sexual partner.

Five Ways You Can Stay Out of the Friend Zone

So you now how you land in the friend zone. Now let’s talk about how you can stay out.

  • Be willing to walk away. This is the big one. After you’ve spent a bit of time talking to her, walk away. Do something else. Go get a drink, hang out with your friends, talk to people, get high fives, whatever. The point is to show that you don’t need her to have a good night. If a girl isn’t showing much interest, don’t be afraid to walk away entirely.
  • Show her that you have sexual interest from other women. If you’re talking to a woman at a bar, don’t be afraid to flirt with other women. Just because you’re talking doesn’t mean you’re dating — it doesn’t even mean you’re going to ask for a number. On the same token, don’t be afraid to mention it if you’re dating other women.
  • Don’t always be available. Being there whenever she needs you is a sure way to end up in the friend zone. You shouldn’t drop everything for someone. You have your own life to live and you should make no apologies for doing so. We advise guys to take twice as long to respond to a text as it took her to respond to yours. That’s just one simple way that you can show her you’re not always available for her.
  • Build sexual tension: All of the above will build sexual tension. Another way to build sexual tension is through playful touching. I always tell guys that they’ll be amazed how fast simple things like touching a woman on the shoulder will escalate things.
  • Don’t be afraid to show interest. If you’re on a date with a woman, she’s already interested. It’s up to you to escalate the situation. Don’t be afraid to express your sexual interest in her

Never Get Friend Zoned Again

After reading this, you’re probably surprised at how easy staying out of the friend zone is. You might even be a little skeptical that you can do it. You can. Guys land in the friend zone because of a very specific set of behaviors. They stay out of it with another set of behaviors. I guarantee that if you follow my advice, you’re going to get friend zoned a lot less.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1152 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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