Being cheated on is basically the biggest red flag in a relationship there is. We wouldn’t recommend that any man try and fix a relationship where a woman is messing around behind his back. With that said, there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about anything and this applies to breaking up with a girl who is cheating on you. Here’s what we think is the right way.
Confirm Your Suspicions
You don’t need to be totally sure to break up. In fact, a lot of times cheaters will play on that small part of you that wants to believe them and ignore all the red flags in your relationship. What you need to look for is what’s called in law “beyond a shadow of a reasonable doubt.” If you have reasonable doubts that’s one thing. However, burying your head in the sand and looking for a reason to believe her isn’t the same thing. This is really a gut check moment. You need to ask yourself if you believe your intuitions. And, when all else fails, don’t be afraid to confront her with some hard questions.
Be Decisive About Your Breakup
If she’s been cheating on you, you need to end it. And to that end, you need to be decisive about the fact that you’ve decided to end it. Keep distance between the two of you. You’re never going to move on if you keep letting her back in. What’s more, taking her back would be a bad move on your part. So allow yourself to create distance between the two of you — as much as possible.
You might have to move out. There might be reasons for communicating that are logistical. That’s not necessarily a red flag in terms of creating the type of space that you’re looking to create right now. However, anything beyond that isn’t good. This is for your own mental health.
This is probably the least pleasant advice you’re going to get from us, ever: get tested. Even if the two of you were using protection, condoms don’t protect against all sexually transmitted infections. So it’s important that you make sure that you’re healthy. Even if you’re not experiencing any symptoms, head down to the local clinic. It only takes a short amount of time and you can’t put a price tag on the type of peace of mind you’re going to have when it’s all said and done.
Realize That It’s Her Problem Not Yours
A lot of guys feel like when their girlfriends cheat on them that it’s somehow their fault. It’s not. No matter what you think you did, unless it was cheating on her in the first place, you didn’t make her cheat on you. In fact, no one can really “make” anyone do anything. Realizing this is crucial to growing, healing and trusting people again, not seeing red flags everywhere where there aren’t any. And you’re just not going to be able to have another healthy relationship until you fully accept this part of it.
You deserve better and The Art of Charm can help you to find it.
AJ Harbinger - author of 1157 posts on The Art of Charm
AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality.
Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.
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