Should You Bring Her Flowers on the First Date?

Flowers on the First Date Believe it or not, guys still ask us if they should bring flowers on the first date. The short answer is no. Do not under any circumstances bring flowers on the first date. And while we’re about to talk a bit about why that is and how it can help you when it comes to making other decisions in your dating life, we’re also going to give you some recommendations about the right way to bring a gift on the first date.

Why Shouldn’t You Bring Flowers on the First Date?

There are a few key reasons you shouldn’t bring flowers on a first date, including:

  • Supplicative Behavior: Basically, bringing flowers is a shorthand way of saying “please like me.” This is needy and supplicative — two of the last things we want to be ever, especially on a first date.
  • Pushy and Awkward: Bringing flowers on a first date makes it seem like you’re trying to force a connection or romance. That can make things difficult for the both of you. That’s a bummer and it’s going to put way more stress on the date than there needs to be.
  • Antiquated: While you might bring your girl flowers when she’s having a bad day, or for a special occasion, bringing a girl you’re taking out on a date flowers just isn’t something that’s really done anymore.

Ok. So now you know why you shouldn’t bring flowers on a first date. In fact, you know a few things — like not being needy — that might help you in other areas of your dating. But did you know there are times when it’s totally appropriate to bring a gift on a first date?

The Right Way to Bring a Gift on a First Date

Let’s say that you’re out at a bar or club with a girl. She says something about how she still watches Sesame Street in the morning before she heads off to work. You laugh about it, that’s pretty much the end of the conversation and the two of you talk about a million other things. A couple days later you’re out at a store. You see a Big Bird doll for $20.

Drop the $20. Because that’s a gift she’s going to remember.

There are a number of ways that this can be applied. You see something that she mentioned loving, you get it for her if it’s cheap. The point here is to try and remember some small detail that she mentioned to you, then get her something related to it. You don’t necessarily want to go out of your way to do this. Rather, you want to wait for the right thing to jump out at you.

This makes a far better point than spending a lot — or even a little bit — of money on something average and typical. You’ve told her that you’re paying attention to what she has to say. You’re saying that you notice little things about her that other people might not. That’s something that’s worth its weight in gold.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1166 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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in Art of Dating, Dating Tips

2 Comments on “Should You Bring Her Flowers on the First Date?”

  1. He brought me a single rose on our first date. I had never even met him in person before then. I actually loved the gesture and though I could definitely see that as a gesture of his NEED for my affection and approval, I liked it. Sometimes it’s nice to stop all the games and have a guy care about your approval so much that they’ll risk being needy. I want a guy to be needy for me. To each their own.

  2. I had someone give me a bouquet of tulips on the first date and I thought it was the sweetest gesture. It didn’t seem needy to me at all. I would honestly prefer flowers over a big bird doll anyway though.

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